Another early morning

Posted Jan 6 at 3:49 AM

I have several of my closest friends leave the site, some it appears permanently and hopefully the others only temporarily.  I am finding myself asking the question am I too spending too much time in the virtual world and less time in reality or is this reality?  I support their decisions to leave and the reasons they have given for doing so.  I just miss the occassional banter on here.

OK I need some tea.  Way too early to ponder these things.  Will be meeting with the profs today and the other team member.  Looking forward to it.  I am very interested in seeing what we will be doing for the next several months.

I think 2009 will be a very good year.  I am really excited.  *take a deep breathe*

Gotta go work off the holidays.  CIAO

Working on My Doctorate

Posted Jan 5 at 12:54 PM

Have you ever wondered if you have done the right thing?  Well today began a venture that makes me pause to wonder just that.  Most of you that know me already know that I accepted a fellowship and will be working on my doctoral thesis.  I am ashamed to admit it but I was very unsure whether to take it or not.  I mean wht in the world would you take an offer like that?  I mean there are only like 5 in 50,000 who even have a shot at a fellowship.  I almost took the easy way out.  My sis from another mother actually set me straight, just like she always has.  I email her like crazy but I sure miss her on here.

Hope everyone one is having a good start to the new year.

Modern Day Infactuation

Posted Dec 27 at 4:20 AM

The angels of heaven

The swan, or dove, or rose so fair

The light itself or the healing touch

A gentile caress

But as I lay here, writing still

her face intrudes my silence

I feel it permeate my air

I feel it surround my tranquility

And once more I feel the question with

Is it the reality they are cherishing?

Or simply the image juxtaposed?

For I have seen the image

And insofar they speak true

It was the angels, swan, dove, and rose alike

the light itself and a healing touch

A gentile breeze to comfort me

It was all so beautifully false

A stain of perfection

Upon my imperfect paradise

A blemish of lie

Upon my self-manifested truth

Be it the good, the bad, the ugly-my truth

But eventually I cast juxtaposition away

And reality clarified just beyond

Beyond the grace-she was a little clumsy

Beyond the innocence-a little crude

Beyond the purity- oh, she was insensitive

Beyond the confidence-at times quite unsure

imperfect perfection beyond its imposter

Such eccentricities-such quirks:

endearing the end result

For in these imperfections I see beauty

My perfect blend of faults

And it brings me not but euphoric sorrow

Euphoria in this enlightened transfixion

overcast by sorrow in its innevitable failure

And though I knew all along

It never would be

I persisted in self-delusion

But while her imperfections can only improve

Mine simply get in the way

Even at times they disgust their carrier

And so I will watch as she walks away

And so I must wait for these feelings to fade

And so I can do not but pray for her

For surely of all people, she deserves to be happy!

Gender and Things

Posted Dec 21 at 4:29 AM

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
 
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
 
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
 
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
 
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
 
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
 
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
 
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
 
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
 
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000years, but it's handy to have around.
 
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying! 

Sidestepping the Slope

Posted Dec 5 at 12:34 PM

I don't know what to do with you. I know several things I would like to do with you, but you seem to sidestep these ideas too effectively. And then push me back toward them. I pull away, you move close. You open doors, I approach them, you step away. I open doors, you approach, tease, walk past. It's like a dance between you and I, but one where the partners, though drawn to each other, will explode or something if their bodies should touch. OK, maybe not quite that dramatic, but you get the point. Frankly, it's driving me crazy. I keep giving opportunities, and you keep NOT taking them. So I give opportunities to back off. And you don't take them either. Is this,exactly,where you want us?

Are You Flirting WITH Me or THROUGH Me

Posted Dec 3 at 6:24 AM

OK, I admit it, I can be an insanely jealous person. I'm usually not even sure what it is specifically that I am jealous of. It isn't like I get possessive at the focus of an object of my desire on someone else, hell, I notice the pretty girls right along with him. It's just when that attention is coupled with a lack of equal praises aimed at me that I get hurt and want to disappear into myself while simultaneously thrusting pincers out to do some damage to my injurer. Or worse, when we are hungrily chatting along our merry way, the conversation getting more and more intimate, the descriptions starting to more than hint at the sexual or the tender, and suddenly BLAM! Her name comes up, it's now her in this scenario, not me (or I am, with him, an onlooker). It's a shock to one's ego, and it throws me off entirely.

Am I not the main object of interest here? If that is the case, I can take it, I can adapt, I really can. But this nebulous in-between state of leading me on just to injure my ego is more than I can handle. Did he really go through 2+ years of slow, steady climbing to gain my affections, just so he could tell me his fantasies about some other girl? Why does he flirt with me, but about her? Why does he spend all his time with me, if he just wants to talk about her? I honestly do not understand, we banter like we're already lovers, and just when his words become intimate, tender, he suddenly interjects her name, the story becomes about her. Am I a surrogate? Am I just the accepting friend on whom he can safely test out his fantasies in which she is actually the star?

And it's worse that it's one consistent intruder, bringing in random abstract hot chicks would be a turn on, but repeating one specific player strikes as an obsession, and one that's not with me. It indicates that maybe I am not the central attraction, and I have to be the central attraction. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean if he really has this strong desire for this other girl that I will drop him like a hot potato or even stop our innocent flirtations (for if I am just a surrogate, a conduit for his real interest which I know quite well he cannot satisfy for various reasons I shant go into yet, then our flirtations will be proven really quite innocent). But I would alter my expectations and my responsiveness, for to continue to respond like I do now, under the impression that he is actually flirting with me, not through me, it makes me vulnerable, exposes my ego. Yes, I would play along with his fantasy, for honestly I like this man and I see no reason he shouldn't have a little fun in his life, I sure do. But he would no longer maintain his place as the main attraction in my fantasy world - and I would respond to the attentions of my other boys and girls much much more again.

Just thought you might be interested

Posted Dec 2 at 6:20 AM

Keenan Kids, which is an organization formed in 1993 that is dedicated to protecting the rights and needs of children, puts out a list of unsafe toys every year as Christmas approaches.  The organization is particularly concerned this year, as stricter legislation regarding toy safety will be implemented in February.  As a result, the organization is concerned about toy makers significantly dropping their prices on toys that won't cut the mustard when the new legislation takes affect.  With these low prices coupled with the poor state of the economy, some gift buyers may be tempted to purchase toys that are not particularly safe.

This year's Keenan Kids list includes all of the following:

•  Air Hogs RC Helicopters - contains lithium ion and lithium polymer batteries that can catch on fire or even explode if charged or otherwise handled incorrectly
•  Magnetic Earrings - contains magnets that are more powerful than legislation allows for toys, but the earrings are not considered to be, toys and are immune from these regulations
•  Lip Gloss and Lip Balm Make Up Sets - these and other toys and products contain phthalates, which are not always listed as an ingredient, but have been proven to increase a child's risk of developing reproductive and endocrine system problems
•  Balloon Physics Kit - uninflated balloons and pieces of broken balloons are a choking hazard
•  Dora the Explorer Lamp - advertised as a, seasonal, product and even the manufacturer warns that it should not be kept where children can reach it because it is an electrical product, which obviously puts children at risk of electrical shock and burn injuries
•  Fairies Backpack/Bag - the material used to make the bag contains high levels of lead, which can cause developmental problems in children who are exposed to the bag for a prolonged period of time
•  High School Musical Rockerz - instruments can reach sounds of over 85 decibels, which is high enough to be harmful to a child's hearing and ear development
•  Yo-Yo Ball and Pull and Pop Pelican - both products contain strings that are longer than 12 inches long, which is a choking hazard to children
•  Barbie Peek-a-Boo and Polly Pocket - both products are choking hazards, as are any toys containing pieces that can fit through a toilet paper tube
•  Batman Dark Knight Ninja Sword - contains sharp points with potential for bodily injuries as well as eye injuries, which is the case with nearly all sword and knife toys

A little privacy please!!!

Posted Dec 2 at 5:41 AM

Girls am I wrong about this or what?

Can you explain to me why some guys have to be practically on top of you all the time? You know, when I take off the towel after a shower, sometimes it's just to put on a pair of panties. OK in my case a pair of shorts but whatever. It doesn't always mean I necessarily want you to squeeze my tits and force your hand onto my crotch. And another thing, when I tell him I am going into the other room to work for a while, because I can concentrate better in silence, it doesn't mean he should come into the room every 10 minutes and start kissing me and asking my opinion about trivial things. Geezzz, really, if a guy really loves me, he should leave me the hell alone once in a while! Don't get me wrong I do appreciate  his interest, his attentiveness, his desire to make sure I know he is verysexually attracted to me, but really, sometimes there is such a thing as too much of a good thing and at the wrong time.

Sorry, guess I am feeling a little smothered today ;-).

Obsessive Addiction

Posted Dec 1 at 7:25 AM

A simple voice can bring tranquility

but negligence is relentless

sprouting only desperation

to quench a lingering infatuation

Mickey - Minnie - Goofy

Posted Nov 26 at 6:42 AM