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Posted
Inspiration taking it`s form,
When another door has closed.
Memories can`t be erased,
because those words were spoken.
Greasy fingerprints,
lining the photos edge.
A photo of such magnitude,
that I break down and cry.
Let`s burn it to the ground,
I weep as I drop the flaming portrait to the floor.
How could you hate the one thing,
That made you who you are..
The tears put out the flames,
standing here burnt but still alive.
No sparkle no sheen no lusty eyes,
Just me stuck between,
a promise and your lies.
--------------------
I saw you the other day,
In a corrupted memory..
Edited for comercial play...
Back when you had sweet nothings to say.
Sorting through what`s false and real,
filing away your broken statements.
Feeling my way towards the exit sign.
The love you gave was as fake as,
the reality you tried to convey.
Misinterpreted truths are slowly ceasing to exist.
AS weeks turn to months,
A contact has been cut short.
When yesterdays become a blur,
and I`m forgetting what you were not.
Not letting you determine what I`m worth,
with a price tag on my thighs.
Who has defiled whom,
with their blatant fucking lies?
Your perfect smile causes bile to rise.
From somewhere dark inside.
NO honesty existed in those blue eyes,
I just now realized you were a typical guy.
--------------
With corrputes morale,
a girl cringes at another catch phrase,
from your curled lips.
As you speak the deceptful three words
"I love you"
She swallows the acidic bile in her mouth
and then softly does she reply..
"Gee, I sure hope you die"
Holding her breath through an awkward silence.
and giggling at your vain attempts,
to win back her heart.
She encourages me to crush hearts,
and spit out your taste as I make my leave.
SO logical under this skin,
less faith than normal.
Yet just enough to live another day.
I suck in another lungful of smoke,
and shake my head your way.
Why do I give up such comfort,
for another demeaning attempt at true love?
Let`s work on yourself for a while...
I think minutes before I stick...
..My treacherous tounge in your mouth.
I sucked in another heart-full of heartbreak again.
------------
Worse than the time you threw me away.
You`re so much worse than the games you play.
Much more hate than I`ll ever convey.
Broken faith from past escapes.
Empty home with no clean dishes,
My broken heart with half-sewn stitches.
My heads full of angry wishes.
I never knew my love was so viscious...
Open up dear, let me tear you down.
Then I`d nail your feet to the ground.
Just when you feel safe I`ll let you drown,
and I`ll sell your pride by the pound.
I stopped to such depths to win you back,
and the change of pace got me off track.
When patience was the virtue you lack,
you detirmined the value of our love by time spent in the sack.
--------------
Tracing an outline in my mind.
Crossing th eline of fire again.
Emptying the bottle,
and letting you go your way.
When trapped and trust
become fuzzy little teddybears
stuffed with razorblades and bullets.
CHewed off fingernails,
and maggot infested halftruths.
Vomit soaked band t-shirts,
and bloody cutter bands.
Bold face heartbreaks.
Intentionally creeping towards the forefront.
A step in the wrong direction
and off on a tangent we go.
Sights of dead and dying
we step over decaying corpses
Hand in hand
but this is all in my mind.
More writing!!!
Posted
Personal Afflictions,
Unrelenting feelings of asphixiation.
Sleep deprivation
Where does this nightmare end
and my life begin?
Detailed aggrivations,
carving istelf into my skin.
If only I could sleep at night,
Knowing you`re out there crying,
Curing my name..
Undermining your own aspirations.
Second guessing what you`re worth.
Fingering your guitar,
Searching for the right words...
but, nothing comes to mind.
Because that`s what you are.
Avoid, a void of human compassion.
A breed on undignified shit.
Choke on everything that passes through your lips.
So I can breath again.
---------------
Am I what I think I should be?
Or could I be someday.
Open minded,
Closed Hearted,
Inspirationally vague..
Behind the line....
Or a step too far.
Am I me,
For who you are?
DO I cross my t`s,
out of habit?
DO I dot the i`s,
as to not be socially exempt?
Am I crawling on all fours,
and I just don`t know it yet?
Open and shut,
A case closed due to too many leads.
Or am I a formidable excuse,
For the way you act towards me?
---------------------------
A juxtapostion of humilation.
In a slideshow of past loves.
Past sorrow, forgotten promises...
of the forever persuasion.
Cliche postions, pretending to be appeased.
In-depth conversations,
without intellectual stimulation.
Cultivatin emoitions,
from physical distractions.
A domino affect,
as we all fall down.
Awkward moments that are rarely silent.
Dust covered notions,
from waiting for the next move.
Stining like a punch to the face,
Broken body fights.
Because your words, they cut me so deep.
--------------------
I really can not hear.
The signals are unclear.
If I lean in will you tak eme down?
Would you hold me there on the ground?
Sit on me till I`ll say
"You`re right in all you do"
Oh You`re the king of the mountain...
If the mountain is my shoe.
On the lighter side of horror,
and the battels left un-won.
You`re the only hero..
Left with a shiny gun.
I wonder what you`ll do...
When I`m no longer on the floor.
I`ve been missing for some time now.
When you decided to change your clothes,
I went running for the door.
-------------------
What is on your mind this time?
It can`t be as strange as what`s on mine.
When ever you speak to me,
I think of how long it`d take them,
To find my body...
If I slit my throat or hung myself tonight.
Would you show for my funeral?
Or shit on my grave?
Would you ever find out,
that your love killed me today?
Poisonous words long forgotten by you
YOu`re out on the town with someone new.
Out in the cold and left in your dust.
Empty bottles surround me,
and our short lived love.
--------------
HOw truely amazing can it be,
to watch you tumble and watch you bleed?
Like bleach into your veins or a much worse fate.
It would never emulate the manipulation you did to me.
You`ve injected a poison to potent to endure.
I fear it is not fatal...
You`ve dealt me a much worse hand
like a thorn pusing in my thigh
and horrid memories full of fright.
A neglected love ticking away.
Bubbling to hate towards yesterday.
A stomach acid coverd pile
remains upon my shirt...
Reminds me of how silly it was...
To love your molesting smile.
-----------------------
If I was as sweet
as a petite blode
raised in a perfect home
in the smallest town
Then would you still pass me by?
Or return my calls once ina while?
The communication barrier...
is based soley on my thighs.
The regrets of past decisions
weighing down my feeble mind.
The explosive remarks of a battered child
and the smallest wave of your hand is made..
signalling another mistake...
by you my heart did break.
------------------------------
The pointing fingers,
and unrelenting whispers
mocking the girl with no heart.
She doesn`t cry
She`ll never break...
She`s controlled her every desire.
Turned her back on reality
living in the darkest dream
of blood splattered bathrooms
and her blistered hands on the tile
where silent screams are smplified
by her self denial.
UNtil she comes to
in a gray room
looking around each corner..
touching herself as if she was you.
-----------
A bunch of shit I wrote lately...it`s a long entry...
Posted
Love provides light,
Warmth, passion, and life.
Love produces misfortune,
at a blink of an eye.
Lust, love, confusion,
hate, fear, and pride.
Everything and nothing.
Even the sky has a limit.
Temptation,sex,lies,
arise in every heart.
Love giveth, and taketh,
and shall tear thee apart.
Eager is thy flesh...
Weary is thy heart..
Careless are we.
Do we apreccaite who we are?
Everyday is a new beinging,
Closer to the end.
When the sky starts falling...
..I`ll break before I bend.
----------------
Dreaming and dying,
Wish I`d wake from this.
You`d put on that grin..
and say "Just jokin` kid"
YOu`d tickle me til I`d pee,
And say you love me so.
You`d cry when I cry...
YOu`d never let me go.
I`m never letting go..
I`d just fall apart...
I`d be peices of an Angel..
Hoping everything`s alright.
---------------------
I see these things
Right infront of me
I choke on "I told you so`s"
And I get so fucking irate.
I`m just so fucked up.
I fucked up and wound up in love
YOu`re all so jealous of my heartache.
YOu`ll never know all this love.
And fuck you for doubting me.
Even if You are right.
You`re all so very wrong in my heart.
My love`s worth the fight
Constant struggles are never in vain.
I`m a better person for loving
I`m better off this way.
--------------------
YOU are a zygote of a person,
HOw do you function with all that confusion?
YOu call upon me for worthless word vomit,
With teenage angst flavoured bile.
I wish you had more flavours,
So I could choke you down.
I`d rather run with scissors,
than see in things in your sckewed view.
To you everything`s got a price,
The price i`ve got to pay..
..I can not afford at this time.
Your purpose wears thin,
How will you absolve you to yourself?
Don`t act so humble,
You can`t be that great.
Don`t assign me your peace of mind,
I don`t want a role in this game.
For this is the game of Life,
And I just jumpe dout of your car going 80mph..
One less peice left in your car..
How will you ever win??
------------------------
I don`t have feelings,
only memories of what I once felt.
Attempting to recreate the familar notions,
constructed by you and I.
Anyone can see it in my eyes.
The blankness is my stare is justified,
by what`s gone wrong with you and I.
I comb through photos..
Remembering nights long passed.
Longing for a moment to jolt me from my trip,
the walk down depression lane.
If only these pills would kick in sooner...
And last longer than the time we`ve spent in front of the tv.
I`m so distugsted...
BY you and me.
Blah.
Posted
He thinks I`m going to leave him and find someone better. He`s the only one for me. Looka t us we are so perfect for eachother.Found these when I was cleanin`
Posted
Letter one:Chukk,
Tears stain my cheeks as I walk down my street. I see nothing familiar but still I smile. I close my eyes often when I`m lonely. I see you always night and day. I`m sorry it has to be this way. I am partly glad. I have no one to live for except myself. SO i`d better make myself worth living for. Every babystep I take I look over my shoulder and wiat for you. I`ll always do this, I guess that`s just me. I find comfort in many things., there isn`t one thing in my life that doesn`t remind me of you. I listen to the songs we once listened to together. I can close my eyes and remember exact moments with each and every one. It`s a silly thing I do before bed everynight. Call me crazy, call me what you will but it makes it easier for me to wake in the morning. I make damned sure you are with me always. Photo`s above my bed of you. I keep one in my wallet, it makes life more bearable. How could I kill myself if you are always here smiling making sure I am okay? My protector still watching me, still singing in my head.
I love you Chukk,Wolverine..Scene whore.
Love Always,
Angel
Rogue
~Not~as~punk~as~you~
---
Letter two:
Chukk,
You have this thing about you. It`s hard as eff` to explain but here goes:
This passion, not directed towards anything specifically. Think of an auroa
You can make anyone comfortable with your smile.
Sometimes you laugh at people`s jokes just to be polite.
You have people skills that are comparable to a saint.
I see more than this.
I think you are somewhat like me. With a 50/50 mentality. (not as bad as mine I`m sure) Part of you seems to want to comfort and ease the sufferage of the world. There`s another side of you, where you`d like to see the world dissapear. Just to close your eyes and wish the world away.
You, (a lot like me) crave a happy medium. Somewhere inbetween being cagted and being free..or between lonliness and being smothered.
That peaceful existance will take lots of hard work dear. I close my teary eyes, smile, and hope you find/make it soon.
Sad but true...
I love you.
I`m here always and if not flash your handy dandy Angel flashlight to the sky and I`ll come running.
You are welcome here to visit or stay.
Angel.
-----
Number three.:
A refresher course in crashing down.
Hurting for you again.
I could`ve said I told you so,
But it didn`t seem right.
No doubt in my mind that what I said was true.
But in my case being right means someone has wronged you.
I`m protective over you.
I want to eat her heart as it still beats.
I love everythign about you.
Why the fuck doesn`t she?
I`ve gotten to the point where her name doesn`t tear me apart.
I tried to be nice, and respect the two of you. I don`t know how much longer I can sit and watch you die.
Where is my strong Chukk?
Where are the smiles I could hear over a phone?
I know we didn`t work baby,
I`m trying to come to terms with that.
But not for one second does that mean I don`t think of you everyday.
When I left I said i`d never date again. I`d never fall in love. Sure kiddo I`ve dated, but i`ve come to the painful realization...
...that when I think of my ideal man,
who I want to be with...
There`s an outline of you
You are smart.
You are Handsome
And kind
Talented too
A sense of humor that`d spilt my sides.
------------
Number four:
It`s never over in my heart.
I`ll love you always.
Forever and always
like we`d always say
No paper has to tell you my heart belongs to you.
But I gave you one anyway.
For a laugh and a smile.
I`d do anything for one more smile...
Then everything for another one after that.
I`ll never go back
but you can come to me.
A test of faith
And not to be rude, you always said you were faithless.
I`ve been mentally molested.
I betrayed everything I was taught.
I`m no longer just another number.
I`m a cunt against the flow.
Now I think for myself for once in my life.
Love brought us together, but hate tore us apart.
Love was never our issue
but it wasn`t strong enough to endure the poison.
We just aren`t capable of staying together.
Emoitionally and mentally we are bound together forever.
I`m sorry for the poison.
I`ll always be in love with you.
I`m in love so far deep and wide.
NO boy has a chance.
Sure i`ve slept around, to fill this void...it`s never you, sadly... i pretend it is....
Angel.
______________
I found those when cleaning my apartment. My god they are so old. They made me cry. I really loved him. I mean man, I was so passionate once upon a time. It`s so hard to just let shit go for me.
I have a new bf now, and everythin is great. I just hope i`ve learned my lesson. If my ex ever taught me a damned thing it`s that I`m a cunt. and I hold on to stupid shit.
I hope i`ve grown enough to make things work with poppa. I adore him. He comes home today. I`m so happy, I`ve missed him terribly.I love him. I knwo in my letters I said I`d never love again. I was wrong. It took a long time. But I finally found someone worthy of busting down my walls.¢¾
Mother Fucking Rogue Lyrics
Posted
Mother Fuckin` Rogue
(intro chorus)
Back when your converse,were still cool...
Back when your torn jeans fuckin` ruled
Where`s the black shirt,
Stop the fake screams..
MOTHER FUCKING ROGUE!!!!
(verse 1)
Of all the "bad" kids..that never cared
and all the passion..that isn`t there
Just know you`re the one..
lost in the scene...
FUCK YOU WOLVERINE!!!!
(chorus)
(verse 2)
You`re right Wolverine...
You`re fuckin` baddass with your stupid scene.
So fuckin` funny with your mutant JEANS.
The fake smile,
those glazed eyes.
Up all night unsatisfied.
(chorus)
I`m the weird cunt
In the basement
Remembering the good times
Drunk on the pavement
So fuckin` fake with your cool friends
Do the means justify the ends?
(chorus)
Everyone agrees you were cooler in highschool.
(chorus)
It seems so strange..how you were cooler in highschool.(3x)
(chorus)
Good times.
Posted
Ralph and I started dating Sunday/monday.He`s coming to stay the weekend :)I`m super excited!?!?!We`ve been talking for a long time, and I always thought he was cool. Now i think he`s absolutely amazing. And he`s as enamored with me as I am with him!
Got the pix of the clothes up (in the lovlies folder)
I have tons of cleaning to do, sarah and I have songs to rewrite. Here is one I wrote a while back, I need to fix the lyrics this is a rough rough rough draft:
Mother Fuckin` Rogue
(intro chorus)
Back when your converse,were still cool...
Back when you`re torn jeans effin` ruled
Where is your black shirt,
Stop the fake screams..
In the bathroom, behind the broken door, In the tub screaming...that`s where you left me.
(verse 1)
Of all the "bad" kids..that didn`t care
and of all the passion..that isn`t there
Just know you`re the one..
lost in the scene...
And you fuckin`lost me...
Somewhere in between.
(chorus)
(verse 2)
You`re right Wolverine...
You`re so baddass with your stupid scene.
You`ve got no mutant genes.
Remember us weird kids...
Remember those good times....
Remember when I love you wasn`t a line....
(chorus)
I`m the weird kid
You`ve got no basement
You are faker than the "big O`s"
And the little girls at your fucking shows.
It seems so strange..how you were cooler in highschool.
(chorus)
Talk shit, smell bad....
Posted
....Yes you`re so cool!The Queers show was pretty much awesome. I mean if you could`ve gone but didn`t, you`re a douche. They absolutely effin` owned. (The Secretions` bassist was a babe) haha.
I was a little tipsy, not drunk just got a buzz. We ran to the store between sets...:) It was so worth it. I haven`t drank in a while. Pretty proud. Wish I coulda found an after party, but I guess it is a good thing.. I had homework to do today, and hungover plus homework=sucky.
Ian stopped by.(kid i know from college that I have a total heart on for) I felt weird and fuzzy, It sucks he lied to me.(we made out a week ago and I found out he has had a gf this whole time) And I no longer trust him. I don`t need a realationship now right? Right. Then why does it suck being alone? Sleeping alone in my little punk rock apartment.Waking up with out anyone to smile at. Gah I`m a hopeless romantic. I just want that thing. THAT THING. That feeling. I want to make someone have that feeling. Well. I`ll find someone someday. For now, I guess I`ll just work on myself like I have been. My kitten loves me. :) blah. Happy thoughts right? Yeah FUCK YOU hahaha.
Okay so I pretty much rock. I think Sarah and I`s (grammar?) clothing business is gunna take off. Pretty stoked for that one. I`ve made three shirts(on my fourth) and a skirt and sarah is on her second skirt :) We rock.
¢¾kthnxbyeee