Posted

So from what I've learned today is alot of people on her don't listen much, after my last rant about blog viewing you would be surprised just how many people on here came and viewed the blog and haven't said a damn thing. Either they don't care about what I said or they doing it just to piss me off so with that I believe I will be locking my blog to just my friends. 

Now that I cleared that up I don't understand jealousy it really pisses me off, if you like me tell me. If not do not send messages about how your upset that I talk to other people more than I talk to you!!! Speak up and make an effort there are some people that I just get along with and have a bond with and please please just don't hate on that. I love all my friends and will NOT get into a tug of war about who I "like" more and if you are putting me in that position you will be blocked!! If you don't know me, you might not want to get on my bad side cause I'm a piece of shit when your on my shit list. This is not directed to everyone but the few people, and no not just one person, know who you are. 

And to think I was inspired to put down some of my newer writings today but everyone insisted on bringing out the asshole in me.......ah well it will have to wait till tomorrow. 

P.S. If you are reading this and you aren't my friend and you would like to continue to peek into my blog speak up now cause after today my blog will be locked to only my friends. thanx

Posted

So this was inspired by another blog I just read by danielle named xxx gallery, although it has nothing to do with my xxx gallery, cause lets face it no one wants to see that shit LOL But mine is about blogs I like leaving mine open to everyone and I appreciate people who stop by and see what's going on.......but if your gonna stop in leave a comment or leave me a message. It's just common fuckin courtesy I mean not just mine everyones, if you stop by and read someones feelings don't you think you should at least say "Hi, that was beautiful" or "your poem sucked!" or "who the hell cares about your rant?" Well obviously you do if your stopping by to read it, but yeah make yourself known. I'm sick of people scared to step up and make new friends, you want to know about someones feelings, you want to look at their pictures, you want to see who their friends are but you can't just introduce yourself. Who knows that person might be the most romantic, caring, trustworthy person you have ever met but your to scared to say HI you would just rather look in and leave. UGH sorry but it just gets under my skin. 

Now that I got that out of my system....................



Theres something that i cant quite explain
i'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away

and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away

well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

i thought that the world had lost its sway
its so hard sometimes
then i fell in love with you
then came you
and you took that away
its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if I'm on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you

i only want to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

Posted

Dream Girl.....


Her eyes........like blue pools of the brightest blue
Her hair.........like a beautiful red sunset 
Her smell......like a sweet vanilla field
Her face.........like a porclein doll

What I would do to spend one minute with her
I would give the world just for her to know my name
She haunts my dreams in the best way possible
I dream of being with her till the end of time
The thoughts of feeling her skin on mine intoxicate my senses 
It's like I am trully feeling her right infront of me
My hands run across her satin skin 
My kisses fall lightly on her neck making her moan with every touch
She grabs me and kisses me deeply....the most sentual kiss I have ever had
We make sweet love for what seems to be an eternity
She lays in my arms as we catch our breathe 
I never want this moment to end.........

I wake up franticly.........
Just to find out it was all just a dream
My dream girl was just a dream....

Written a few years 2-23-03

Posted

So yes here we are........monday fuckin WOO fuckin HOO it already feels like I worked a week and a half. Now the thing that made this weekend suck cow balls is sunday's playoffs games now I hate the giants but I hate the cowboys more and that game just fucked my chances in the office pool I'm in along with the chargers beating the colts. Are you fuckin kidding me ELI MANNING makes it to the NFC championship game and peyton gets knocked out the first round WTF the world must be on a tilt or something. Anyway the love life still sucks but I forgave the latest chick for not responding to me last weekend but she stood me up again on sunday and that does not make me a happy man. I mean I'm the one who does that type of shit, I don't get stood up....maybe it's payback? I don't really care anymore like everyone has told me I gotta stop lookin for love and that's when it will smack me in the head like a ton o bricks, which I might not want anyway, that shit might hurt. LOL Well I'm sorry it hasn't been a fun rant today I just don't have much to say besides fuck the colts and the cowboys. LOL But I must say my tabimuffin has inspired me to start writing again so I think tommorow I might have a new little diddy I have been working on lately so stay tuned :D

Posted

Today started off O.....K but it's rainy and not thurderstorm rainy just down pour rainy and that sucks. At least it's still 50 degrees  that makes me happy but last night irritated me a tad bit. I went to my mother's house because she called me and told me she had gotten a letter from the department of health in Albany, NY which basically told her that they had been notified that she had been infected with hepititisB but no other info.  Now to put you up to date, my mother is a nurses assitant that works in a hospital and she has no idea what vaccinations she has and she just changed doctors who had to take new bloodwork in order to take her on as a patient, now I find it hard to believe that this doctor did the bloodwork found out this information and sent it to albany, who in turn sent my mother this notice all before the doctor contacted my mother.....kinda wierd if you ask me. 

Anyway it's just been a headache and one more thing Matt has to deal with and I'm exhausted. I love my mother and I care don't get me wrong but everything seems to come to me. I know my father is crippled and I know my sister is in Nebraska but I'm sick of worrying and helping everyone. I need a vacation I need to get my mind off of thing and jsut go away and because of this assinine job of mine I won't get real vacation time till next year.........but I as read in a few of my latest entries I think I'm getting closer and closer to either just passing out one day because of bottled up stress or worse.

I don't know I'm cold, wet, tired, and extremely achy and I have to sit in a movie theatre tonight, which dosen't make me the happiest man in the world at the moment. I just wanna go home and take a nice HOT shower crack open a heineken, roll up a fatty, and plop down on my couch.............but I'm to much of a bitch and just can't say no to anyone. But I finally made a pic of my smiling LOL I hope your happy tabs and kate!!! 

P.S. the mouse now stole a roach first a blunt, then a baggie, now a roach FUCKIN POTHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Posted

So yeah here we are tuesday january 8th and fuckin bored!!!!!! No work to do and I feel like shit, I'm all stuffy and have a killer headache. I'm still sore from sparing (yeah I know pathetic) and to top it off I decided to clean my house when I got home last night instead of  relaxing. Then I started cleaning that little fuckin mickey came back and started running around my house, so I started chasing him (cause ya know I'm faster than a field mouse right lol) tearing my house apart right after I cleaned everything so I had to do it all over again UGH. But yeah the story of this little bastard on christmas night I had a blunt rolled on an ashtray for the next morning, when I got up I looked in the ashtray and it was gone I tore the house apart to find this little bastard had taken it under the couch, under the radiator and ate all the weed out of it!!!! The next day I see him on my stove and caught him, instead of being evil I let him outta the house. So now I see him back last night!!!! I wake up this morning and the bag of weed I had sitting on my table is gone!! The little motherfucker stole the bag took it under the couch and ate through it to get half of the bag!!!! Now it's on!!!! that's a blunt and a bg that little fuckers dead!!!!!!!!!! So stay tuned to hear what I do to this little Ralph S. Weed fucker

Posted

So it's been a couple of days since I wrote in here huh? Has anyone been waiting for the latest rant? I don't think so but if you were here it goes....... This weekend was a motherfucker for once I'm glad to be back at my full time job LOL yeah that's how bad/good it was. First on friday all my "friends" annoyed the hell outta me I had to pick up one of my friends and meet the others at my house which made me not get into my house till 9pm which made me an angry matt lol then we played rock band which was cool as hell but I didn't realize what time it was and finally at 2 am had to kick everyone out because I had to be to work by 7am which meant I had to wake up at 5:30 ugh. So yeah I worked till 6pm got off of work and went to a party in the bronx didn't get home till 4am but I had off on sunday, thank god, but I had forgot I had told my friend I would start sparing with him since I wanted to get back into shape, a shape besides round, lol so he woke me up at 8am gotta love those 4 hour nights of sleep into boxing and grappling for 4 hours but it felt great to do it again. I am 29 years old 6'1" 260lbs and seriously out of shape, not to mention I smoke and drink like andrew dice clay, but I still took down and beat about 4 22 year old kids who do this everyday, which was vote of confidence :D then it was back to my house to watch football the rest of the day, after football veryone wanted to play rockband again....this time I had to put my foot down. I needed sleep, so I put my old ass into bed at 9:30. Now thing that really annoyed me was I have been seeing this girl lately, well barely seeing due to conflicting schedules so she said she wanted to hang out saturday into sunday and then when I call her on saturday no answer, no text, no nothing. So she's done in my book since she didn't even respond in the last 2 days  after giving me shit for a whole week. My friends all tell me I'm to hard on women and that I need to give them a break if I ever want a long meanigful relationship again, but the way I see it is......I'm a good fucking man no matter what anyone says and if you can't even respond back to me in 2 days you don't deserve me.

Posted

Keep Pulling!!! Pull me down once again
Pull me into the person I used to be
Make me hurt others once again
Make me feel no pain
Push me to my limit
Push me till I fuckin snap
This is what you wanted right?
This is how you wanted me to react?
You wanted to see if I was lying about my past?
You needed to see it for yourself
Take me to the fucking mindset
Take me to the boiling point
I FUCKING DARE 
I STAND ABOVE YOU HANDS A BLOODY MESS
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED 
IS THIS HOW IT HAD TO BE
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUSH ME THERE
KEEP FUCKING PULLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry about the anger I just had to channel it somehow this job has pushed me to the limit.....................

Posted

Ok so here we are Jan-2nd 2008 

My new years eve was awesome, I did end up going to that club and it was great. Me and my boys partied like it was.......ummm 2008 lol anyways I got see slick rick THE RULER live for the first time and I was amazed at how great it was and then next thing I know a cute little chick, I mean she had to be like 4' 8" , grabbed me at 11:50 and started to kiss me I was like HI LOL so yeah we hooked up and at like 8am when the club closed we went home and I slept all day on new years day. So yeah I had a great new years celebration.

Now onto the serious stuff........resolutions..................well I want to start taking better care of myself...we all say that every year so we'll see lol But seriously I just want to make my life easier on myself, not put up with all negative bullshit that brings me down. I want to spend some more time with my friends that really mean alot to me, instead of shrugging them off for work or another piece of meaningless ass. Which brings me to my closer.........I want to give women in general another chance, meaning no more meaningless hook ups, no more being scared of being hurt, no more putting up with women that use me.......really look for the good inside of a the women and not to look at them like a piece of meat and nothing else. To give every woman in my life "a chance" cause ya never know she might be right under my nose.....I sure as hell hope she is....................

happy new year

Posted

Ok so here we are on new years eve, my friends all suck because we were supposed to be getting a party bus to drive our drunk asses around on this beautiful evening but as it turns out we had about 15 people coming initialy and now it's just me and 2 of my good friends. I don't know..................people suck the bigest reason why no one is coming is because everyone is "broke" now must of friends are older than I am. I'm 29 my other friends range from 27-33 and everyone in their thirties are STILL living home with no bills besides a car payment and some of them don't even have that bill!! Now the other half still live at home or have a signifigant other sharing expenses paying the half of what I pay out each month.....now correct me if I'm wrong but shouldn't "I" be the broke one? It just pisses me off how most of my friends are losers and always have been. Ah oh well after this year I could care less I'm going out with my 2 boys and we're gonna see slick rick and moby perform live at a club in brooklyn......so to all my broke ass friends I give you a big.......FUCK YOU and happy new year ;-p

P.S. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL YOU MAGNIFICENT PEOPLE ON HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEE YA NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!