Ghosts

Posted

Just thought I would come in and say ello
Im alive *pokes self with stick* yep I am
I miss many of ye
Email me but Im slow to reply as ye know
Cant reply to any messages as they have vanished
Still very much in love with my wolf *sappy sighs*
Still in the middle of nowhere
Still wanting to run
Still have messy hair
Still insane
But yeah
*hugs all*

I know I know my latin sucks

Posted

adsum cum culpa contra mundum
hic iacet disjecta membra in perpetuum lusus naturae ,hinc illae lacrimae
noli me tangere pro nunc
veritas vos liberabit,resurgam Regina et Imperatrix via aeturnas

Twill be..

Ive no idea

Posted

What I am about to write about at all.
It may well just be an accumulation of many things ...ah but do not make judgement about my sanity with my words and thoughts about to unfold as Im already a total nutter anyways *pokes out tongue and skips around journal*.
*arms herself with a jarrah* ..hmmm yep Ive been drinking this instead of tea..is almost like coffee which I loathe lol but what the hell Im drinking it anyway...anything to keep warm.
So what have I the purple horror been up to the past two weeks ....
Stripping my pc down for one ...and all proper like ! .. I kid you not at all..I have quite the music list now although at roughly two hours before I had every single tune downloaded and burned to disc I spat it and deleted what was left hahahha...Now Im in trouble because some were songs Rhiannon and Gus had wanted ..and half my metal ! *cries* ..but tis easy enough to get again.
I will be in a month or so (if I havent heard from lawyers etc etc blah blah) be building it to 200 G with hmmm 1024 mem ,by then the price will have dropped a tad on gigs so will be good huh .
So I have found out that Win XP (both versions) come with their own nasty virus`s which wont get detected by any viri - proggie you may have..rather charming of microsoft not to make mention of this to the consumers dont you think.
So any of you supporting this must download the three critical patches from microsoft so you poor ol` pc is all fixed and happy and running like it should do ..arghhh..
The past few days I have been listeing to instrumentals and classical (dont you dare say a word lol ) ...it gives me inspirtaion to write and of late it has been lacking severly ...I canna find anything at all to get me to write a half way decent song let alone a tune.
So desperate measures are needed.
The house I live in now I not like at all...though it does have potential (if ya rip it down heheh) ...seriously there is no privacy ...you can hear everything and anything.
I dont like people that are loud and thats all I have here which echo`s through the walls and attacks you full force its crazy.
Oh yeah and I formatted my pc all by my self ...erm except the floppy drive doesnt work and Ive no sound lmfao
But I now have my viddi card disc which I had to just about pry out of the hands of the guys at the pc shop...sheesh...you would think I was asking for a million dollars the way they carried on...but hey it should have been in with my damn pc to start with so werent my fault.
Ive also learnt how to configure my audio to make it into a 5.1 without S sockets woohooo Im a regular geek now eh LOL...well will be good once I have the drivers installed again so I can hear the thing to start with ..:P
In a few extra days of teh usual boredom that happens to involve most of my life at this present moment I decided to have a bash at a garden ...uh hu OMG(oth) what is becomming of the likes of I hahah...seriously this place is/was in shambles and it was awful so we have started out the front and at least it looks better ...if I was staying in this place or for that matter this country (not) ..I would do something more me ...a creepy gothy garden with night shade ,dark blood roses..ivy etc...but ah well.
I have had the pleasure of babysitting the ex whilst he has been sick ...great just rock up at my place and give us whatever it is invading his body ack !....I dont mind if he doesnt open his mouth in spite which is his usual norm...and sleepin on the couch I am used to anyways...Yesterday he pushed it (go figure) and said something he should not have (now where did I put that arsnic? ) lol....honestly I dont care what anyone says about me in reality ....Ive had so much dished out at me ...does anyone really think that they could possibly come out with something new to cause offence to me? ..I think not ,but,least tis amusing me with their efforts .
Sorry Im in a bitch of a mood at the moment.
Not much sleep over past two weeks does not make Gyppy a happy Goff at all. lol
Rhiannon has scored a job ..and she is chuffed ....its with someone I sort of know an aquaintance if you may ...as this place the lack of human friendships methinks is a blessing...although I do see more of Sherri since moving here ...and she be quite kewl *smiles*
But I am quite content to just have my music ,strings,pc etc etc ...
ARGHHHH I went out and did the girly thing uh hu yuppers (shock ,stun ,much amazement) ...twas yesterday ...off I go to this beauty place in mildura ....laser hair removal ...HOLY CHITE !! and here was me gonna do the *cough* XXX *cough* removal ...*gulps*...someone give me an epidural so I cant feel anything from the waist down !!...now let me explain this to you if you have never had this done...hmmm...picture getting a tattoo only a thousand times worse ...what no have tatts??? ummm ok .....we shall heat up a steel fork till its glowing red and stab ya in the face with it twenty times .....hahhahaha....rather pleasant discovery that was I tell you .
And this is just the start ...to me changing my appearance *sighs* the things one must do to not be recognisable to previous family members ..oh joy of joys...
Rhi and Gus`s engagement party is around a week away and Im so looking forward to the confrontation with my sister (yes they invited her )NOT!...I am not looking forward to the stream of derogatory remarks that will without a doubt spew forth from her mouth and be directed at yours truly.
But I shall keep my composure and not retaliate in any way shape or form as I know she will want me to..so the silent treatment is what is called for...as no matter what approach one takes it will be the wrong one anyhow...
*shrugs* oh the joys of being the black sheep of the family lmao....
I just dont care anymore ..about many things.
I have my mind set on one thing and one thing only and thats to get the hell out of here and I will do whatever it takes.
You would think that the loathing with what is left of my family towards me they would give me a hand to get me out of their life huh? lol but nar they wont ...Im forever lost ...Oh no Oh no what can I do ?....*rolls eyes* ...there will come a day when they will eat their words along with their spite about what they have sad and done to me ..trust me
I live for the day I truly do....

Anyways methinks tis enough for now ...there was much more ..but Ive been up for four hours as it is and its not even half eight in the morning lol...

Have missed you all much indeed *huggles*...I wont do nowt more cause Im horny and I may well end up trying to make off with you! ROFL...ack Im awful,,,,right thats it Im heading off for cold shower in 10...9...8......*gone*

Delete this and put your title here.

Posted

heheh I found a library *points around her*
So Im in here fer a quickie *chuckles*......am missing everyone so much :(
I hate the wait its maddening...
Cassie I need your new addy (where yer live so can send you a letter k?)
My fingertips hurt *holds them up to show you and all the cuts on her fingers as well* ...seeeeee *sniffles* Ive been flat out trying to clean this new place up ,tis a mess and there still is yard to do ..though will take some pikkies to show you all...
I dont like players *breaks down and cries* ...bleh hope they know how to play well cause Ive been doing it back to the hilt and overflowing as they say an eye for an eye eh? *winks*
Ive a puppy ..not by choice have named him mlalark ...heh yuppers I like making up names ...arent ya lucky I didnt get the opportunity to name you guys LMFAO.
Rhiannon is driving both Gus and I nutters with this whole engagement thingy ...arggghhhhhhh *hides* ....I tease Gus about him now knowing what he has got himself in for hehehhe. I can say that with confidence as he is outside having a smoke and has no idea what I am writing ,whilst Rhiannon is next to me on another pc looking for more things to buy eeeeekkkkkkkk....
Your not goin to believe this but last year I sent a letter to Kyrie ...and Ive only just got it back returned to me rofl ...Will try and post it yet AGAIN and see how it goes ...*writes step by step directions how to get to Kyrie`s house from ozzie* hahha....
Ive been burning cd`s to the max ....still have 40 more to go ...cheated and did two as mp3`s (got lazy )
Tonight Im writing some letters ..yup yup with REAL paper and and a PEN and I gets to use STAMPS ...and take it to the post office uh hu...YAY ...heheh nar twill be fun to do ...so anyone wishing to get loopy mail from me ...hmmm...send addy to bloodiedtears@satanist.net and I will write to ya *grins*......SIX DAYS TO GO STILL ....Im having withdrawal symptoms *checks pulse * yep me is ...


Unsure?????????????????

I dont think wolfie wants to be with me anymore *sad face* .....case of getting sucked in by someone again I suppose ..I must have that kind of face for it *sighs deeply* ....could have told me instead of just ignoring me .....*gives up and crawls back into her corner wounded and saddened* ...

Though Im still moving to england .....so look out you lot over there mwahahhaahahah .....

Yeah I suck at bein` cheerful...oh well...*stands on stage and recites*...."ah , tis far better to have loved and lost ...than ne`er to have loved at all".......yeah yeah Im so doomed ..lol ... :P

Anyway gotta split ....
Luv,lace,whips & chains.....*mwahs* ...will sneak back in tomorrow ...

ack

Posted

Will be back in ten days *sad face* wont have internet until then so sucks ...will fill you all in on everything when I return.....I so hate moving grrrrrrrrrrrr.....be well..take care and run amok K xxxx *waves bubyes*

Delete this and put your horrid isp here.

Posted

ooo I almost done gone and said the F werd !!!
Seems my new keyboard plays havoc with teh dial up and makes it go into stun mode arghhh ...after I finish playing *cough breaking cough * around with it,it will disconnect the internet and go all ignorant on me.
I try to re-connect and its like "nuuu uhhhh that aint gonna work....next!!"...it takes me half an hour each time .
So Ive decided that music practice is AFTER I have done what needs doing on-line.
Heh I wont let it beat me though :P

My wolf is a tad ill *sad face* I just hope he hasnt caught the same kind of cold I have.When I first got it ,it felt like your head was ten feet away from your body or was it the other way around lol...kinda of like a bad trip or some such was hella weird.

You know what I like ?
When you get one of those electric foot massages stick in extra hot water ,a heap of baby lotion and oils .And not listen to what it says in the instructions.Leave your feet in there for over an hour watching real monsters and let the water go cold ..turn it off and find your feet have gone numb and you cant feel a damn thing for an hour afterwards lol...chite Im so doing that again tomorrow night!
Hey I dont go out so I have to find something to keep me amused :P

I did two music reviews ...all flash and profesional and what happens CRASH goes windows argh !..so when I got back on-line the two bands got three liners from me after all that heh ...damn thing.

The rest of the day I spent in bed ..and guess where Im about to head back off to ? yep in it again *bashes head on wall * ...Im bored out of my mind ....I want at least ONE music program to be compliant and work for me ....maybe I should get a dummy book ...meh best make that a bloody library full as Im daft as hahha

toodles xx

Has it really been ten days? OMG(oth)!

Posted

I didnt think it had been so long ...*bows head in shame*

You have to just love those who feel the need to send viruses or those silly enough not to check their systems with some kind of virus scan ughhh..
So I have been in battle trying to rid my system of a few glitches nothing major just a couple of mere annoyances one could say.
Apart from being molested by pop-ups I believe I have tackled the problem and all should be fine ...hmmm maybe I should knock on wood or better yet knock myself out LOL
unless anyone has a suggestion how to rid incredifind out of the key config heh...damn thing.

(((And to the charmer who has a yahoo acc who decided to try and send me the virus through swydm mail your just a pathetic *&^% who needs more practice...so how many acc`s do you have huh?...as this is not the first time is it?. )))

So a fill in of the last ten days ...apart from horrid pc ,slowing down to snails pace.
I have been able to get on-line and talk with wolf and a few others ,so luckily Ive nowt been totally secluded from all and everything/one.
My timing must be off as Ive naught seen Scotty on-line at all ...figures huh lol

Rhi,Gus and I caught some sort of who knows what from the water and it knocked us for a few days...which sucked ....all I have now is just the flu part of it... which is either over done with floride (cant be bothered to spell it right :p ) and bleach or nothing at all...you can sometimes spring it almost normal but thats like winning the lotto hahah..

Inbetween I have been looking for housing ...
Sussed out one that was a bit scary the kitchen cupboards were kind of on a slight lean and were balancing up against the oven lol...
I am waiting on a call from the real estate agent on another place that I looked at yesterday ...its not as far away and would be better will try and have it leased for 12 months.
I know I wont need it for that long but Id rather be safe than sorry as I not wish to move again till its to UK.
Its also cheap enough that when I do leave that if Rhi and Gus wish to stay on they can do so and all will be well.As I need to make sure that they are also ok.I`ll not have them without.

My tooth is loose , we wont go into detail about how it got to be that way ..but it needs to be pulled arghhh ..so another trip to dentist is needed ..I can think of better things to be doing like using pliers and pulling my toes off slowly ...yep I know Im a sook ...I just DO NOT like dentists at all..*throws temper tantrum* yet again with the I dont wanna go see scary man face hahhahah

Shock,stun,amaze..Ive heard from the lawyers !...they could nowt say they did not recieve the papers this time as it had been sent via express post..Now tis just a matter of time and trying to learn patience I suppose may be the order of the day.
Yet after so long it does wear quite thin.I find myself in moments of reflection more often of late.Wondering why I do happen to get these delays not in just this but many things.And why they happen the way they have.
Is it lessons in themselves ?..or just a matter of ones luck running out ?...

Today I got the sweetest of pm`s from Cassie, did bring such a smile to know she is so happy
And also a couple from Sean
To Jo Jo and Matt for the e-mails that had me giggling
Thank you all *chases after ya to give gyppy huggles* lol

And to all of you who have sent me pm`s I will be reading and replying to as many as I can tonight so look out if your invaded more than once eh heheh....

In passing the time away I have been playing LoL (RPG) which I find by far more interesting than Kings of chaos.(Vent will so tell me off for that one lmao)..So I am the fangolian Fierle ...I wouldnt say that its exilarating game but I happen to like it ..except when I run out of attack points and have to wait until they build back up again *pulls out hair* If you want to check it out..

Also have been running amok on pogo ..excitement plus ney? *crosseyed*

I have been checking out music keyboards for pc ..So I now have one woohooo ! ...be better when I work out how it all goes ..Im not a keen nor avid manual type at all ,so I do the hit and miss theory most oft.And as in the norm break something or fluke it once and forget how the hell I did it lmao

A Dilemma :
Two long time friends and ONLY friends at that...shocked me senseless by asking me something that I was quite unprepared for.
At first (both times) thinking they were only pulling my leg.One last week and one this week.Both do not know each other and both I know differant ways.One I speak of about magik etc the other is a musician friend of mine ..and may I add a most excellent one indeed.Yet at what part in time did they or for that matter why did they change their thoughts/feelings about me?.When I found that they were quite serious I didnt know how to react.In fact I still dont.I value their friendships as I do with anyone,I dont want to lose the closeness that we share yet what does one do?
I dont want to hurt their feelings as I know it takes much gumption to just come up and ask such a thing to someone ,one even vanished for a month and I had no contact with them at all and was worried for them as they have been having some problems that I was helping them with.
They came back on three days ago and we were chatting like nothing was amiss then just came right out and asked me to marry them?..And that was their reason for the disappearance.They didnt know what to do or say,wanted not to tell me how they felt.Yet three days ago they had to they said.
*sighs forlornly*...they know what I feel for Wolfie ,so why ? ,I dont understand...and am still at a loss as to what to say.


I have also decided on something ,which was another thing I wanted to ask wolfie if it would worry him if I did or not.But stopped myself from telling him about the above matter and of this one as well.I needed his thoughts ,yet I dont wish to worry him.Which is why I keep alot to myself without telling him of so many things that occur.
But anyway I am going to the doctors next week to discuss with her about a certain operation that I have heard of and how much differance I would be left to pay out of pocket,whether or not I can afford it matters not as I have made up my mind to do it anyway.

As well you may know a few months ago I had a bit of a hassle ,which it seems had started up again ,those in who wish to cause trouble or doubts in my mind.Though I have not heard again from this person/s for two days and I am thankful for that.But I do naught like mind games or vindictiveness from people who in probability know me not at all.Yet feel a need to upset me.I should not take heed to such things and in a moment of weakness I let it get under my skin.I guess it has alot to do with being hurt before and that I wish never to go through it again whether in a relationship/family nor friends.I do find it hard to trust yet when I do give my trust to a person I do so fully and it takes quite the amount to break this trust once it has been given.
My ideals and at times I admit my ways of thinking are a mixture of oldfashionedness and also openmindedness.
I do believe that when one is in a relationship that they give their all in everyway.If it means to go without then one does,if it means to feel pain then one accepts this pain as theirs.They do not say words with no meaning and one does not make promises that cannot be kept.One remains faithful for if they do not then it means they should not be involved with another for they do not wish sacrifice.One cannot have their cake and eat it ney?.Tis funny how some think ,the way their mind revolves.Sometimes in many things I understand and in others I have no idea why they do certain things.
All I know is that I cannot and will not hurt anyone for no reason at all.
Why is it that some feel the need to cause hurt ?..or feel that they can get away with anything because they think they will not get found out?,the world is not so vast a place anymore.
Gluttony is rampant as is jealousy and greed.
Also denial,abuse,ignorance and self egotism.

Is it wrong to want to be away from society and all that humanity deals ?
Is it wrong to wish ones own private world,a utopia if you will ....where not that they deny the world but do not have to take part in its avarice?..Not that of just monetary gain but of everything?
The masses desire their fantasies to be fulfilled and they care not who they hurt on their way to achieve their goals.
Pains of the soul can and do more oft than not last far longer than any pain of flesh whether self inflicted or otherwise.
Many of us hold scars unseen by eye yet ar ecarried like weighted stones in our hearts.
Is it never enough?

My washing machine has decided its time for it quarterly dose of pms and has decided to pack it in ,so for the past week I have also been left to hand wash.Not so daunting a task you may say ,but when there are many people under one roof what one thinks is simple turns into chaos at its finest.The fun part is skiing on slippery made floor from walking outside with an armful of dripping clothes and then get bitch slapped in the face by throwing towels on the line .But the bubbles are kewl heheh.

I got a parcel the other day which was hella mean ...it had one of my friends albums in it that they did in 2002 which is totally killer and love it to the max.They also sent me a remote controlled mouse ..I had ne`er seen one afor ..Rhi ,Gus and I have been having a blast stirring the kittens to the max with it ,watching them pounce on it and grab it ,walking away with it in their mouths like a most sort after kill *laughs* .They almost rule the house here ,honestly ,they make a mess with papers we clean it up.They get tired and take over our beds.They get bored we get claw marks over our legs LOL...
He has aquired a singer who sounds like David Bowie ..I kid you not !...he`s bloody brilliant !..Ive listened to three demos of the songs they are working on and I`ll be damned if it doesnt sound like Bowie .these songs are awesome .They have one more to do and will be doing a demo cd YAY .

erm I best do the stop thing huh and exit stage left yep I can hear you all saying dont I ever shut up lmfao
So Im off to hopefully create some half way decent music that you lot can hopefully listen to in the next few weeks

Delete this and put your disappearence here.

Posted

Have really been busy doing nothing at all
I have half done projects everywhere I look.
Not being able to catch up and falling behind no matter what attempts are made.
Have had a million ideas its directions leading to nowhere.
3 half done music reviews that just look at me empty,the rest of the write up is not eventuating at all
A story that was promised still is not finished
..Im just a blank space .
So why have I not been on as much ...truth ,fact or falicy?
I cant keep doing a happy face 24/7
There are highs and lows just like the ebb and flow tide
A roller coaster that doesnt seem to have an end .
When it picks up it goes down faster, crashing into an abyss of turmoil...
Its hard when you spend many years trying so much to be someone ,to get ahead,to find what it is you seek.
All the bygone years are scattered useless, like wasted pieces of crumpled paper.
Im getting weary of climbing up only to be pushed back over the edge.
So here I sit contemplating my next move ..and knowing that there will be some form of counterstrike to shoot me down in flames.
I got a pm today talking of betrayal...and I agree there are many differant forms that this comes in.
What do you class as such?
Is it living a life believing all you are told only to find out as you get older that this scenario was full of loop holes?.Going through the motions knowing there is something not quite right yet believing what is told because you want to believe..or is that because you want to think its the truth?
What if as a child of 13 gets raped by their best friend and a few weeks later their step father tries to molest them because they have to get used to it because they are well developed.
And what if one had a multi-million dollar idea and this person sold everything they had to pay for a patent and the patent attorney then used that diagram ,changed the shape,sent it to England to someone who posed as being the inventor of such an idea ,who also reaped the rewards from the royalties .
Whilst the true inventor lived in ruin.
What if someone was to marry without love because they knew it was the only way to save a friend from destruction?
What if someone worked so hard for months to buy a house and pay cash so they would not be in debt.Only to later marry and then the other half demand that the other pay for their drug debts by signing half the house to them so they can morgage it not once but twice and then expect the other to make the payments for someone elses mistakes.
What if a person saved so much money so they could leave the country and start a new life ,their own life ...only to give the money to someone who really needed it.
What if a few years later they again saved hard to try again only to have this money taken(stolen) from them because another wanted/needed money for drugs and booze.
What if a young girl was told she could never have children and then a year later found herself pregnant and the then other half turned around and said at least you could have had a boy and walked off.
What if one went to the doctors and they again said that the pregnacy was a one off and would never happen again but it did?
What if this person and the unborn child almost died and all the other half wanted to do was hang out with his mates get stoned and drunk out of their mind and go pay for prositutes then come back and say sorry it wasnt meant to happen ,blamed the drugs ,yet went and done it a further 16 times because it wasnt really their fault because their mates all did it with them.
Is it when you help someone and then they turn their back on you?
Or when someone says they love you but do they really ?
So are all these forms of betrayal and are they from others or is it a betrayal upon ones own person?
Are all these fact or just fiction..that is up to you.

So my week so far has been
My ex going off at me in a million and one sms messages
Then rocking up last night ,flyin to a screeching halt in drive which scared the chite out of me and didnt knwo what to expect.
Was inside and prepared for the worst after what he had been saying in sms messages ..and walked in house in good mood wanting me to take him and his mates to pub?
No word at all from lawyers which is the usual ,even after they lied to me last week ..I so knew they did.

AM SO SICK OF THE BLOODY LIES people have been telling me of late
Do I have idiot written in thick black writing on my forhead or something?
Cant they all realize that I see through every single damn one :(

Good note was yesterday that I did finally get my BC delivered and my camera .
Though at the moment I will NOT be taking any pics of me nor will I get on cam with anyone ....as I feel a thousand
years old and probably look it ,no , I know I look it ..
Not that I could care less ..just *sighs* oh I dunno ..

Today ...well its just topped everything off as I have been given 60 days to leave the premises with no-where to go Im just full of joy.



I want to speak of good things
Happy

Yet I know not one am sorry

Something I wrote ages ago

Silent whispers

I feel your words
Calling me
Look into me
What do you see?
I am you
and you are me

Silent Whispers
You are my blood
You are my life
I breath you into me
I look in your eyes
No words need to be said
Your thoughts are all inside my head

Precious dark angel
A life in your own
A ray of dark
Within the light
My one of charms
Upholding night

Silent whispers
You are my blood
You are my life
I breath you into me
I look in your eyes
No words need to be said
Your thoughts are all inside my head

Touch to touch
Skin to skin
I feel your heart
There is no sin
Darkened angel
Of loves desire
Radiating beauty
That can set the world on fire

Silent whispers
You are my blood
You are my life
I breath you into me
I look in your eyes
No words need to be said
Your thoughts are all inside my head

Inside my heart are whispers of you {repeat to fade}

arghhhhhhhhhhhh *pulls out hair*

Posted

I am just going to rave to release tension *watches steam come from her ears*


I have spent days,weeks,hours on these songs and I have all but given up.
I cant figure out the tempo`s down time its just not happening at all.
The faders wont set properly.
Ive tried my hardest and now all thats left is disappointment.
I have no idea what other music program I can use to join it all together.
Im not sure how to put together a drum loop unless I do it through fruity and then it just will sound tinny.
*shrugs* I could do techno or electronica ..push out songs every ten minutes not a problem.
But all I want is for THIS song to come together the way I wish it to be.
It means alot ..and all there is ,is pieces.
Ah welcome to the mind of another insane musician.

I tried to do a vox demo last night and yet another disappointment my voice is shot.
Looks like just sticking with death *sighs*
The joys of having a deep voice ( I should be a guy)
I have a death/punk voice its weird how it has changed so much over the last ten years

Rhiannon got her digi camera and is having a blast with it ,taking pictures of whatever takes her eye.
Her batteries are only lasting a day if that ...heh thats how bad she is with it.
Its pretty kewl her and Gus have also been taking short viddies with it as well.

Im still waiting on mine *sulks* ...was hoping that it came through today but alas nothing ...oh well

I wanted to thank everyone for the birthday greets twas so nice of you all :o) xxx

Also thanks to my mate Scotty for giving me all the new tunes yesterday :)
I bet you still go out tonight so there :P LOL
Though ten to one there is quite the hangover involved judging by his condition yesterday heheh....
Your a nut Scott but a great friend.

In the past ten minutes ...Ive just scored myself a keyboard ...hmmm ..well a pc one but it seems simple enough with its interface .Time will tell when I recieve it in a few weeks time *fingers crossed*
And what does one also recieve with this ...speakers !! woohooo so that will make almost thirty that I have now lol
I have been tempted to wire them all together ,crank up the volume and blow the roof off the house Im in *evil grin*

I now have two places in which to upload my tunes (when and if a miricle happens).And I have decided to also apply for a music reviewer position on one of them.
But I am in no hurry to get into it at this moment .Twill be done when I have a lull in time that needs to be filled.
I still have to do my profile page and a photo/pic ..which I shall do on week-end as it will be also the cover of first demo so I need to contemplate as to which I want to do .

I have this bad habit of sitting on my chair but on my feet so they keep falling asleep on me ...so do not make me laugh or I shall go ass up off them :P
(do not try to have a mental picture of this as it may be a tad scary)

I am also contemplating as to whether I shall do any more pics to be in gallery .
I am of the opinion to not do so for the next few months at least.
I have my reasons and I know it will not go down well at all ,but this is me and no other shall change my thoughts.
It will be starting near on the end of the month after I have paid for my BC first ..which is this thursday FINALLY.

My phone bill shall be sky high this month Im dreading recieving it but have enjoyed much the conversations with a few people in the US.
Tis good to talk of many things with those that have the same mind (yes about music naturally is the main topic ).hehe

I still have yet to catch up with pm`s (not pms this time hahah ),but I am getting there ...I need to type faster :P:P

SHEESH Gus can burp LOUD as *covers ears*

*looks right ,left and whispers*

Rhiannon and Gus are getting engaged but its secret shhhhh
but they are very much suited to each other ..and does make me happy also ..ahh so sweet...
Gus told me but Rhiannon doesnt think I know .
As I mentioned to wolf even if I wasnt told I sort of would have figured it out as they are using my ebay acc to get their rings doh LOLOL....

I had to take out my right brow ring and now Im nowt sure if I am able to replace it *sad face*
I do not like to lose my piercings after so long ,they are just as much a part of me as everything else. :(

Some people can just bring me the biggest of smiles

Funny this was not really the entry that I was going to be doing today
I may do what was on my mind a little later

Im dying my hair today woohooo...err why ? because I can heh :P



My song for the moment (been playing since I gave up on my damn song :( )

Sick of it all ~ Finger eleven

Are the sins getting staler
Does every moment move past you
Or does it feel like forever
And shouldn`t you be laughing too?
Take a look how they found you
Take a look what they`ve done to you now
What was it they wanted
Sullen and haunted?
If only you saw it coming
How far down would you fall
If you never came up again
`Cause you`re so sick of it all
And you want to change everything
Just how deep will you go
To see through it all?
If you could consume her
Would you say you were finding your way out?
Is anything coming clearer
Smashing your mirror?
Still you can see you`re guilty
Coming closer my composure turning
inside out in her
Calling home all alone
You can call I won`t answer
Any question in my head
Remains until you feel the same
Never telling how I felt is all I ever cared about


If you`ve not listened to it I suggest you do


***********************************************

Ive forgotten how to do a journal entry

Posted

*scratches head and stares at blank page*

Firstly I must apoligize for not letting anyone know that I was staying away for a few days to try and sort a few things out.
Maybe twas wrong to do so but still felt I needed to do it.
Without being bothersome to anyone.
The first things to give me a smile upon my return were the comments twas so nice of all :o)
The second was looking up and seeing 69 pm`s ..oh I should don my halo and not be so wicked in thoughts heheh :P:P
Hopefully they will all be caught up with over the week end. :)
So I have been working still on web sites (kicks them grr grr nar tis kewl they will come together soon ) ,I wish to have a bash at a few new things to put on front page and I hope to be able to swing this if at all possible. ..yay for being geeky and schtuff lol
Also doing my song which I keep changing and trying hard to make it a little longer .
I wish that I had more knowledge of chords so I could add some more to it to give it depth.
I am adding sfx to give it character and looking for a haunting riff or two that I may be able to incorporate with it.
I am being overly fussy with this song I know but I have my reason *winks & says nowt more than that*
I have joined a music community where tis free to put your own songs in as long as you review which I like doing as most of you know.
I will give the link to my page there as soon as I am done ..with this tune...I also hope to have a few more up over the next few months
all being well it shall be done...beware as I shall be doing jungle/dance and maybe a bit of techno will see what sort of other music programes I can use alongside fruity and cube ( I want to do metal/goth & darkwave but I need to learn my strings WAY better first)
Rhiannons birthday was on the 24th so I made her ,her favourite dinner and she was wrapped with that.
It was going well ..but ...ah never mind ...but we did watch a movie was funny american pie 3 ..
Here out in the land of never we get charged for new releases that are usually twelve months old anyway heh tis joyful no?
I have done as much as I am able with lawyers without getting over bearing ,yet I am of the mind that may haps I should indeed try and be a tad more forceful as I have only ten months left in which to make my claim .
I have yet to hear from them even though I have sent and e-mail as well as letter by postal.
I shall give it till monday next then I will again see if they will contact me then.
Tomorrow we are going to take her to the hair salon as Gus is paying for her to get her hair straightened and cut (she doesnt like her curls lol)
WIll be a laugh as her hair is exactly the same as mine and will just do whatever it likes anyway ahh but you cannot tell her this eh as she has her mind set on it.
Argghh stubborn females *hides* heheheh
The kittens are a riot ...ferral has fallen in love with a toy black cat whom he loves and adores and belts the living chite out of ..but your not allowed to touch it or he will attack you ..he stands over the top of it like a sentinel.
Tomorrow at 6 I am going out to dinner yep ..by myself woohooo much excitement eh ...I mind not though being by myself will only go out for an hour if that ,being the unsociable sod I am :P
Really I have not done much at all except have my usual nightmares but the past few days have had a recurring dream which I do hope comes about .
I know the dream holds another meaning but I do not and cannot read my own dreams. *shrugs* so will just have to see.

So tell me have you ever had a longing that burns through to your very soul and ache for a want that precedes a need?
And this longing dwells deep in your heart, that tis all you can think of ?
Would you strive for this attainment?
No matter what ?
Would you do anything to be able to have that?
When you know its this that will bring your happiness?

Have you ever felt the need to break away ?
Is it wrong to hide ?

Tell me of love ?
A love so abysmal ....you would actually die to keep it ?
Have you ever felt this kind of love?

At times I get myself into trouble without meaning to ..I go off in thought and without thinking have said yes to something where I should have said no
Does this happen often?
I am not sure what to do ...

If anyone ever tells any of you that you are not worthy listen to them not ...and never take heed to anything they say for they are wrong in their presumptions of your character
Everyone in always special and each holds a talent of their own.
Many think themselves without such gifts ...but if you take a moment to think of the positives within yourself you may be surprised.
Talent doesnt in neccessity mean artistic ..it comes in many forms..one may have a good ear to listen,one may show a grand caring ,one may have gift of the gab these to are talents in their own rights.
And as for beauty ....it matters not that of the flesh ,we are all but blood and bones ,when we bleed do we not all bleed red?
I speak of this much because I hear of it so often.
The greatest of all beauty is that of ones soul and all should remember this for ones soul never ages ................

For the last hour have been playing "send me an angel" tis the fixx version from the 80`s
Cause I am sappy so deal with it LOL ,its almost one in the am Im allowed cause I am missing him much
I have my dark one just need to be there
My only wish,my only desire is thee always motw xxx

There was much more that I was to write of but it has drifted and I canna think of naught more ...hey now no sighs of relief :P ;)


I wrote this a few days ago ..feels like an age since I have been able to write anything truly.

Nightmares

Of bodied temple
I lay within
a shrine of entombment
where dreams begin
Mists and Morpheus
Swirl in covers
Whilst I dream the dreams
of imaginary lovers
Coldness drags into this void
in sheets I twist and turn
where embers die a lonely death
I am left to burn
Across a sweated brow I weep
as nightmares take their reign
I feel the claws clasp as it creeps
To feed from all my pain
A deathly feed from human greed
This dream I cannot wake
It steals from me my only need
Not caring what it takes
As I am left but an empty shell
to wither and fade away
These were never dreams at all
but the life I live each day.


Heh and Ive annoyed you all with my ravings YAY so Im off
Be well