Well.. Ladies and Gentlemen.. its been a good while since I have placed any of my thoughts within this 'city of ethers' walls.. and since my last posting a few things have changed along the way.. however.. I am still the same person as I have always been..

.. Job.. the job I was doing is no more as I am a possessor of a little known thing called a 'Will'.. basically.. long story short.. I am nobodies fool and someone made the mistake of believing that I was.. to their detriment.. suffice to say... through cunning and guile.. I am no longer working with my last employer..

... Music.. During my time with my last employer.. I saved diligently (where there's a will, there's a way).. and I ended up saving enough money to buy a professional standard Roland electronic drumkit.. spending over £2000.00.. in order to further progress my 'master plan' MU HA HA HA!!! I have had the kit since mid January and I am a determined amateur whom has already started recording some of my music.. this see's the first time that I have played everything upon my own music.. this includes having produced/recorded this music also.. my first few efforts can be listened too via my myspace music page which can be found at this url.. www.myspace.com/shjk ..

.. Love.. being a person that does not actively go out of his way to pursue the 'fairer sex', although.. it should be noted that I am indeed an admirer of the female form.. it should'nt really come as any sort of a surprise to those that know me that I haven't been in a relationship for approx. 10 years... where do I pick up my medal? ..  there is a Lady out their missing her Gentlemen.. this should be made into a criminal offence.. if only just so that I can meet more women :))

So lets see.. thats Job, Music, Love... uummmm.. what else should I be commenting about?

Friday.. went to work.. did work and left.. then went to a shop and bought Remington Ceramic hair clippers.. got home and put clippers on charge.. didnt do much in the evening.. just sort of meandered from one chore to another until it was time for bed...

Saturday.. woke up feeling a little tired.. I had the intention to go and buy a couple of new pairs of trainers, but, never got around to it as I had to wait in for a phonecall from my recently deceased friends sister as my mother had been bequeathed a nice old piece of furniture that I would have to move from one home to another... by the time the call came I wouldnt have had the time I would have liked to get the trainers.. no matter.. I'll have a look during the week after work sometime I think... soo Saturday early evening... had a Cantonese take away with parents... then shaved head.. had a shower and got changed to go out.. went to a gig (the band that Liam sings with now - Yasha Eats Men).. was impressed just as I  had been expecting to be and had a few beers and left club early feeling tired with a bit of a sore stomach.. got home around 2am.. ate approx 6 cold  Cantonese BBQ'd chicken wings.. taste great even when cold... went to bed after having read the days newspaper cover to cover.. fell asleep easily

Sunday..  woke up having dreamt that I went on a date with a pretty oriental girl... woke up feeling contented if slightly bemused.. I dont know any oriental girls!... maybe I should try to somehow make friends with an oriental girl and live happily ever after... Karma works in mysterious ways as they say... who knows?! ... so Sunday.. most of it  I spent relaxing in bed having had a particularly hard and stressful week not only in work but outside of it too... sooo Sunday was mainly spent resting/de-stressing.. so when I did get out of bed I had to catch up on some laundary and other minor chores like dishes, taking the rubbish out to the bin and making dinner.. my Father was out at work during the day time and would normally make Sunday dinner but as it turns out.. he made his own dinner when he got in from work and my mother wanted to make her own too... so I made my own... which was deep fried chicken and crinkle cut chips with a french mustard and cream sauce... I've never been able to work out precisely why someone came up with the idea af making their chips with crinkly cuts in them?!?!?!.. what benefit is there? I dont get it..seems like a lot of wasted effort for very little if any reward in the long run... but thats enough about the physics of crinkle cut chips... soooo yeah ... back to Sunday.. a friend at work lent me 3 xbox games for me to try out and see if I liked before shelling out any money on my own copies... well I've tried two of the games now and they are both really good games so I'll no doubt be purchasing them next month... Bioshock and Gears of War... the Bioshock game is so far really good... there are some very dark/sinister atmospheres within this game.. I can see now why it has been so popular... soooooo I'm sat in bed its 1:21am and I am tapping away on my laptop whilst a tv to my left is showing a comedy live show by Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmundson.. the sound is on mute and I am about to switch the tv off and go to sleep... sooo..  in order to draw this entry to a conclusion I am going to leave people with a random and spontaneous thought...

enjoy yourself... its later than you think.

My aunt is now in a care home.. she doesnt realise yet that it is her new home.. we discovered last night that she has Osteoporosis.. her broken arm may take a long time to heal if it heals at all... who knows?!...

... having arrived home from work this evening around 5pm.. I am told that a close friend of the family hasnt been answering her phone and a police car was spotted at her home with her sister.. the policeman went into the house and came back out and returned to the house with protective rubber gloves on... an hour after I came back home from work my mother informs me that our friend is dead.. life has an uncanny knack of really sticking it in and breaking it off sometimes hasn't it?

work has been busy as fuck.. and a new part of the job that I am doing has taken up most of the past three days.. thats almost 2.5 days past the deadline for the statistical sheets to have been returned.. this delay has not been down to myself but rather the few offices that I have to deal with as miscommunications have occurred prior to my taking over the job.. the figures should be on time next Monday as I have had to phone/email people several times in order to sort out the problems..

a couple of days ago I bought an xbox 360... the graphics on these consoles are fantastic and Halo 3 is very addictive as is Call of Duty 4.. I have Assassins Creed.. but I havent gotten into the game at all yet.. so yeah the xbox is keeping my amused at the moment... thery're really noisy little units though aren't they?! I'll have to relocate the base unit as the drive spinning the disc is loud as hell and its between me and the tv so the tv has had to be louder than I'd like in order to appreciate the more atmospheric quieter moments in a game...

I am looking forward to the weekend as not only has it been a long week but I am planning to go and see a mates band play and have a good few drinks in the process..



edit 06/03/08 - oh yeah I forgot to mention that my contract at work ends April 30th hahahahha.. thanks for reminding me Cia! hahaha thanks for your comments though guy and guyess ;P

my aunt will not be going back to her home.. social workers and other health care professionals are looking into which type of care home to send her too... it looks particularly likely that it will be an EMI nursing home which is a specialist hospital environment catering for people with intermediate to profound mental illnesses such as the categories of dementia and more specific of my aunt.. Alzheimers..

.. my mother spoke to my aunt for the first time since she was admitted to hospital... and my mother knows that there is pretty much nothing left of my aunts personality... its as if overnight someone has just wiped her out of the body which she resides... she sounded defeated.. and was fairly non responsive compared with the person she once was.. its dificult to explain to people whom havent had a family member that has suffered the debilitation of Alzheimers.. but.. I am glad that my aunt is finally going into a home where she can be cared for.. as its been a reaonable time now that she hasnt been able to take care of herself properly and we could see that she was beginning to lose a little weight as she wasnt capable of eating properly even though we had meals delivered to her daily.. I needn't explain further.. I dont know why I started too.. I suppose I just want people to realise that its not been easy trying to do the best by my aunt.. its been a big stres upon myself but more so upon my mother and father whom have been dealing primarily with all my aunts care requirements.. it is a relief that my aunt is now no longer our 'physical concern' as we know that she will get the care that she needs.. and my parents can now just take care of her financial affairs... like investing her money should there be a need to in order to pay whatever bills that may or may not be incurred due to recent events.. tere shouldnt be too much money going out in comparison with my grandmothers financial afairs.. as my aunt wont be paying for her care as she has Alzheimers.. my grandmother has vascular dementia.. a form of dementia brought on through a small stroke.. and hence not a disease.. in the eyes of the law in the UK... a person whom has a mental disease such as AD..doesnt have to pay fro their nursing accomodation.. however the opposite is true of a person whom has vascular dementia as it is seen by the eyes of the law as a possibly avoidable condition which may have been caused however remotely by life style choices.. so whilst my grandmothers bank account will become somewhat depleted.. my aunts will not.. money is of no concern to either of my ailing relatives as they no longer have any understanding of the concept of money..

.. my father now has another property which has to be taken care of... I have suggested long ago that should the worst ever come to the worst... I would if needed to be... to live in my aunts house on a caretaker basis in order to keep the property in good upkeep should the tied up collatoral be eventually needed for my aunts care.. this was said before my family had knowledge of the fact that my aunt will not have to pay for her care.. so it looks likely that my father will eventually inherit two flats.. he isnt interested in becoming a landlord.. (there is a nice sitting tenant)... however I did suggest to my father that should he ever inherit my aunts home (which since having legal rights to view her will he will inherit).. that I would act as landlord in order that he has an extra revenue stream in order that he may be able to retire early from work.. however I think he is more interested in selling the house when the eventuality arises... you know it feels wierd talking like this.. but I have to explain.. that my aunt as I knew her has been gone for about 4 years now.. its been strnge and often dificult watching a relative die in front of your eyes.. yet still remain... Alzheimers and dementia are horrible conditions that I wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy.. my aunt is defeated and she has always been one of lifes fighters.. I only hope that the 'endgame' will not be a long drawn out time of extreme mental pain for both my aunt and grandmother..

.. I realise that some of what I have typed is pretty without feeling and very nearly cold and emotionless... watching two of your relatives wither before your eyes over a thankfully brief number of years.. will make a person harder /stronger minded.. I've effectively lost 5 relatives in the course of just under 4 years.. so please forgive my somewhat jaded attitude.. I'd say its only understandable really..

well following on from my last journal entry.. my aunt is still in hospital and starting to get restless.. wanting to go home.. there apparently hasnt been any kind of definitive decision regarding my aunt either returning home or being taken into care.. we.. that is.. myself and my parents havent been contacted regarding this issue by social services at this point.. soooooo... everything regarding this issue is still very much up in the air... my father doesnt yet know of course whether or not he should be activating the 'power of attorney' in order to officially look after my aunt's financial affairs... my grandmother... it would appear is on the mend after her scare with the MRSA.. the home where she resides also hasnt been in touch.. so we are obviously taking  the 'no news, is good news' approach..

.. Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I was unwell and off from work.. which irritated me as we have a hell of a lot of work to get through at this point in time.. this morning I was late for work.. I slept through my snooze alarm.. which made me only 30 minutes late for work.. which is no big thing to my boss.. he is a really easy going guy.. he is also a very funny bloke too.. pretty much the ideal boss really... but yeah anyway.. I was late.. I hate being late it really gets on my tit end!! anyway.. I got in from work this evening after having stopped off to get some food from a supermarket down the town near my bus stop home... so uh.. yeah .. I got in from work and thought.. I think I'll go and have a little bit of a drum... without realising it.. I drummed half the way through an Everclear album... I didnt even realize that I knew most of the drum parts for the tunes either not having actually drummed any of the tunes before.. I was well chuffed with myself.. then I thought I'll put on some death metal shit.. and thats where things went crap hahaha.. I cant drum any Hate Eternal material it transpires.. but then thats probably because the drummer in question is possibly the best extreme metal drummer in the world at the moment... a guy called Derek Roddy..

since my last journal entry.. my grandmother's health has improved some and she is now back in the home where she resides.. she has a fully trained nurse on hand if needed.. in the meantime.. I was about to leave work on Friday evening when my mother phones me to let me know that my aunt ( the one that has Alzheimers and whom lives alone) is in hospital having been found in the street with cuts and bruise to her face/head and also a broken arm... no-one knows how this happened.. but her house door was open.. however nothing was missing from her home.. even though there was money plainly on show.. none of it had been taken.. so... the mind boggles.. we dont know what happened and we are unlikley to find out... however.. this has led to my aunt.. unbeknownst to her... to be considered for sectioning for her own good... everything is still very much up in the air. but there is a 98% certainty that she wont be going back to her home.. which is a ground floor flat that she owns.. the long and short of it is... my father will now have to look after two properties.. one of them for his mother.. that last week was near death's door and whom is now recovering although still not out of the woods yet... and the other for his aunt whom is seemingly regressing back to childhood at the moment... oh its all fun and games isnt it life... anyway.. my father cant deal with pressure very well and on Saturday. . lets just say I came close to moving out after an argument that he started with me just out of the blue over nothing.. I spent Saturday night in bed in silence in the dark.. thinking.. today being Sunday.. I woke up around 11am-ish and dozed for a while.. I waited until my father left the house so that I could speak with my mother without my father being present... I let her know that if things and actions such as those that my father undertook on Saturday night were to repeat... then I would have no choice but to move out as I found his behaviour abusive and I'm not going to put up with it... I'd rather be financially worse off and have peace of mind in my own house than the verbal abuse and threat of violence that I had to endure last night... my mother tells me that when I went upstairs he came to is senses and was sullen and apologetic.. thats all well and good... but you cant apologise to a person that isnt in the same room as you and I am still waiting.. I know a direct apology wont be coming.. I'm not really waiting for one.. he'll apologise through his actions.. he tried to make up last night by making my dinner for me apparently.. but I never came back downstairs after our argument..

soooo yeah... its been a 'lovely' weekend.. still single.. still looking for my reason to live.. enjoy your life.. theres always someone somewhere that isnt right now.. may peace fill your heart in the following week.. I'll do my best to be 'jai yen yen' (cool of heart ) also.. and who knows we might just make it to the end of the week with a smile on our faces..

on a happier note.. I have ordered another cymbal and v-drum for my new drumkit.. this will make the kit a 4 tom tom kit... yay! also my regime of drumming for a minimum of 10 solid minutes a day is already beginning to tighten up my drumming.. although it has to be said my double bass work is still well sloppy.. it is however coming along alright bearing in mind that I am after all a new drummer.. I havent yet bothered recording anything properly with the drumkit yet as I'd like to get my playing up to scratch before I inflict it upon others tortured eardrums hahah...

in the early hours of Saturday morning.. my grandmother was taken into hospital.. we still dont know what exactly is wrong with her.. but it involves.. intestines and bleeding that wont stop.. she has had a blood transfusion and some 24hrs later she is still bleeding.. because of her age and infirmity we have been advised that her health may decline considerably should invasive surgery be currently taken.. so its a waiting game at the moment to see if the bleeding will slow up enough to allow coagulation to occur... in the worst case scenario she could very well have cancer.. we ( that is myself, mother and father) obviously dont want to think about that possible eventuality.. sooo its a waiting game... things however aren't looking good as she has other complications.. but they could be as a result of the great loss of blood that she has undergone.. the complications are consciousness related... she is seemingly blacking out and coming to again.. its hard for the docs to get a handle on whats going on with her at the moment as she is pretty much catatonic at times... she has always been a virtual recluse in her demeanor.. but she also cant explain how she feels or anything as she suffers from senile dementia of course.. as mentioned here upon numerous other occasions...

moving on..

... my mother is OK and wasnt hurt.. but she tripped over the lead for the iron and the iron is now knackered.. so I cant iron a shirt for work tomorrow.. fuck it.. t-shirt day! hahaha

well I've just watched MiB2.. again!.. and now the remake of the Planet of the Apes is about to come on the tellytube.. I dont think I can be arsed watching it... I think that I'll watch the documentary on the other side.. 'Louis Theroux : Behind Bars'.. this guy goes into San Quentin and gets to interview 'Lifers'.. could be quite interesting...

.. I'm still very busy with work and trying to work as much overtime as I can without tiring myself out too much... its not working really.. I am tired now and its only Monday tomorrow.. its going to be a long week... I may take Wednesday or Friday off to break up the week... we'll see.. this week will no doubt throw up some surprises.. hopefully they'll be good ones...

fiiiiiiinally I have a kit that I can call my own after many years of wanting to get one... and when I do I end up getting a fucking expensive electronic one too boot... ooohhhh yaaaassss!!! it has cowbell!!! hahha it also has fuck loads of other instruments in its brain too... for instance... who knew that you could play the banjo with a drumkit?! welcome to the world of te weird!!! hahaha oh and it has a one man jazz band feature on it too.. so you can have a bit of a daft jazz moment with a xylophone, double bass and trumpet!! its well wicked..

anyway.. I know that I havent been on here of late.. but I hope that everyone had a nice xmas and new year..

its 7:39am.. its Monday morning..  I would have normally have been walking into the building where I work around about now.. but.. this morning my back is giving me some grief and I've had an almighty bout of insomnia also which has most likely been brought on by the fact that after having had $140.00 ish taken from my account via unauthorised paypal transactions.. it was returned.. I had to cancel my card and change all of my t'internet passwords.. I discover yesterday that it appears that £65.00 has been taken from my bank account.. I checked Paypal and there have been no transactions.. therefore.. it looks to me that my card may have been cloned.. I'll be to the bank as soon as is possible to see what this £65.00 transaction is.. but in the meantime I have no choice but to rest my back.. I'll have to phone the bank in the interim to see if anything can be done over the phone.. but I can see me having to close the account and open another.. which will cause some minor aggravation as I will have to sort out a couple of monthy subscription debits with any new account details..

sooo... I'm back in bed after having gotten ready to go to work previously.. but now I am irritated that I am missing work and losing a days wages.. so the insomnia will no doubt kick my arse now and not allow me any sleep what with my now being wide awake yet tired as hell.. like the come down after drinking a couple of  highly sugared cappucino's..

the other day I bought a decent quality guitar strap.. its made from an imported burgandy coloured Canadian leather.. it also has nice soft padding  so that it doesnt bite into your shoulder if you happen to be playing your guitar for a while... its right smart and comfortable to use.. which is just as well really as it cost over £40!! I nearly fucking dropped through the floor when I heard how much it cost but I thought fuck it... its a nice good quality guitar strap and it'll last a long time and probably look even better once it starts to soften up and age a little.. go oooooon... treat yourself.. so I bought it and like I say.. its right nice and that...

sooo early this evening I have an appointment with my doctor... nothing serious.. just a check up to see if the antibiotics that I take for my minor non-contagious skin disorder hahaha.. words are fun!... are working alright and not causing any unpleasant side effects.. they are'nt so the course should continue as normal I'm guessing...

music... well I'm still very mch in the pre-production stages of my recording program as I am still collecting and making drum loops.. I've been approaching my songwriting from a different angle of late as I have been concentrating quite a bit upon the drums an loops side of things whereas previously I have had a tendency to jam away on guitar.. formulating a tune through jamming on a few riffs and just building from there... well this time around I am making the beats first and then I will be playing whatever comes to mind over these beats and then just using these chunks of drums and guitar and patchworking them together.. currently I have no lyrics written for any of the new music I am making and that may very well end up being the end analysis as I have no real desire at this point to add any vocals to any music I am currently making.. I have however lots and lots of soundbite samples from various sources of media which I may end up utilising in some way that is not too dissimilar to the band Ministry.. I havent really had that much time or for that matter much desire to record any new music of late which is why its been taking a long time to get any music recorded of course.. but at the end of the day its not like anyone really gives a shit about any of the music that I make other than myself of course.. so I only have myself to please in that respect ultimately..

I listened to Bjork as I was attempting to sleep last night .. the song 'I Miss You' pulled at my heartstrings a little as I found the words to be quite poignant...

hahah gotta love those daft journal titles...

last week I had a horrible cold.. for three days of last week half of the days were migraine days.. and to end the week of misery on Friday some arsehole made an unauthorised transaction with my paypal account.. on Saturday there were 6 more unauthorised transactions in total.. to their credit Paypal realised that something wasnt quite right and they put a hold on two of the unauthorised transactions meaning that the money wasnt withdrawn from my account.. however.. on 5 of the unauthorised transactions money was withdrawn from my account amounting to the sum of $132.99.. which meant that I had to report the issue and prove who I was in order to remove limitations put in place upon my paypal account... those limitations are yet to be lifted.. so I am not a happy bunny at the moment about that.. I had to take a photo of a bank statement with my address clearly on view (paypal already have my address of course and stated it to me as part of the proof of address photo request).. OF COURSE I blanked out any other information that wasnt relevant to the address request.. the thing is.. on my bank statement the post code is one letter wrong and I have only just noticed.. so this may be what is delaying the return to an unlimited account... what a fucking bind I could have done without the hassle.. nevermind.. at least i have my money back and things'll get sorted in no time I'm sure.. I am however unsure of whether or not I should change my credit card again or not... my credit card details are within my account on Paypal.. so I think I should get to the bank tomorrow asap.. maybe phone tomorrow morning..

.. over the past week also a relatively new and quite outspoken member on the messagboard that I run elsewhere on t'internet was making an ass of himself and insulting people in the process so I suspended the guy for a week and another member has accused me of totalitarian behaviour.. I pointed out that the mouthy member had been suspended and would return in a week once they'd had time to calm down and reflect upon what they had been saying and in what manner they had been saying it and I also pointed out that if an example of totalitarianism were needed then look no further than Burma at this point in time..

I'm currently listening to an album by the band Electric Wizard it is called Witchcult Today... its quite a doomy stoner record not too dissimilar to early Black Sabbath, Cathedral and Giant Squid.. decent stoner fair really.. nothing new but well executed bluesy inspired doominess..

.. I've seen a very expensive condenser microphone thats been reduced from approx £700.00 to £300.00 ish... I wont be buying it.. there comes a time when you have to realise that you have enough equipment to make a decent enough recording without spending any further unnecessary amounts of money...

... the tablets which regulate my skin problem (folliculitis) have run out.. I had planned to try and self regulate the problem with a skin care regime and healthy eating.. this hasnt worked and my face is now very sore and spotty... soooo.. I now have to make an appointment with my doctor to check to see if the tablets are working ok and to get the prescription renewed... this means phoning before 8am tomorrow morning.. which is the time that I am usually on my way to work.. so i am going to phone from work in the hope that I will be able to schedule an appointment for Tuesday rather than the day of calling.. I've known non-essential appointments to be scheduled in this manner so I hope they'll make the exception for me tomorrow as i dont want to have to take any time out from work as I'll likely lose a couple of hours of wages as the bus service isnt great from where i work back to where the doctors surgery is... nevermind it'll get sorted in one way or another.. in the meantime I'll have a sore and even more unpleasant face for others to look upon hahaha

.. my eyes are watering.. I still have a bit of the cold and it doesnt help that the staphylococcus aureas levels on my skin arent being regulated as I had hoped by antibacterial facial washes and plenty of water drinking... sore puffy eyes aren't welcome especially when your job requires the reading of number coded addresses for around 8 hours a day.. next week is going to be a joy I can tell.. I cant help rubbing my eyes with a scouring pad.. hahahha just stuck that in to see if anyone was still paying attention.. hahha

.. I've started demoing some ideas for some songs... one of the most recent is a fairly drum n bassy affair with loud guitars... if I can be bothered to remember how to place a music player in here I'll upload a snippet sometime soon.. maybe... :)

what an exciting journal entry eh?! full of thrils and spills... woooooo! etc.

below is the rough demo using my new recording equipment... I still need to learn a lot about the equipment so this recording was made in order to get a practical hands on of what potential problems might arise during recording... there is a buzzing of the pickups on my newest guitar which I have to find a way of stopping yet.. but whatever... hope you like this rough unfinished demo anyway...