Posted

wow long time   I just started internet date stuff  inspired by enrico it is awfully odd .Not to sure but we'll see I guess .Got some direction for the first time in my life pretty exciting .!!!!!

nothing at all

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Mood: not bad, Music: ll cool j
I am coming out  of the blackness ,sure feels NICE!!!!!I think this beautiful weather helps ,plus working  sure feels good .Spinning vinyl just doesn't feel like work it is to much fun.Anyway I am getting better but I have to be super honest with someone and i don't want to  but I hate little white lies they are no good ,so I guess I will take the plunge ,even though it is just little it still stinks!!!!!

nothing here to read

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Mood: ????, Music: sister sledge
Where does one start ? Things could be a lot worse and they can always get worse .No one has died so there is that.I don't know what's going on really, just going through the motions.I need to take some action but I think some things will sort themselves out or at least I am hoping! The fog will lift  blah blah blah .I feel somehow better by writing this useless entry .

lots of these !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted

My weekend was pretty ridiculous! But in a very very nice time way! However the highlight was going to see Mix Master Mike live .FORGET IT!!!!It was  well I couldn't even begin to put it into words.I am speechless breathless .I did my own deejaying (I like the way it looks when you spell it that way!) thing tonight  I just call it pressing play ,playing cd's ,so this is what I am expecting but then we got there and the tables were ready to go .Thankfully we had vinyl in hand and a newly purchased ipod.Thank goodness for bawb's over preparedness!Well I have goofed around with nawg and lawg ( that is what I call the 1200's that live where I am living )anyway the bar was not full but full enough when you are learning not goofing about so anyway there were some glitches and Bawb helped me out but I am excited .I did it and of course everyone was nice and said it was great but just the fact I didin't run away or have a happy drink is good stuff.I know it is silly but I am giving myself a pat on the back here.There is no way I would have ever have done that before so ,there are little changes I am not aware of way to go sillyhead !!!

I am a jerk to put it lightly

Posted

Mood: alright, Music: gangstarr
I am a glutton for punishment and drama.I am also very needy and selfish.I love to be the victim .Putiing myself in bad situations and setting myself up  is also another one of my specialties.I have no idea how to have an intimate loving relationship with the opposite sex.I have never had one.Despite all these things I am feeling pretty good today.The process to get here  has not been fun but now that i am here I know what I need to do .

killing me over here

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If you ever want a good serious laugh that will keep you going for days ,months even get a Buy &Sell paper I am sure they are the same everywhere.Read the Wanted section but save the Miscellaneous for last .Here they come out on thursdays and let me tell you I can't wait until next week.

Posted

Mood: better, Music: punjabi,,Bhangra
Well I fell off , relapsed ,slip up ,fuck up.I don't know whatever you want to call it.I call it just plain stupid .I am a full whatever .Anyaway it was 2 days could be worse I don't know ,a time machine would be handy .One huge thing I got out of this was that isn't where I want to be !!!! I  am finally feeling back to the clean and sober self .It is wednesday i ended saturday .I am not as free from that shit as i thought I was but I can get there  .It is amazing though how much I have learnt about all this stuff and as soon as I get a little fucked up I do all the same stupid shit exactly.I also am seriously embarrassed about quite a few things I did  but what can you do ?

nothing here

Posted

Mood: blah, Music: housey stuff
Well it is one of those nights I am tired and I could go to bed , read  and fall asleep pretty quickly but I don't know.I do know I start thinking about a situation I got myself into and man what the fuck,excuse my language but this is one of those things where that is all I can say.Did my brain short out for a bit ,do I even have one ?I can't even ..whatever screw it!What can you do ?I am just an IDIOT  sometimes .Anyway the easter bunny was nice to me .My nephew got his first skateboard  today and mine was at my mom;s so I got on the old skate ,it was fun I haven't been on one in awhile .I just don't know how to fall anymore so I was a bit more cautious plus I know this sounds ridiculous but I also didn't want to break any nails,if they were press on they would just snap off but these gel ones would kill! I know  LOSER! I got a nice bruise though and i can still ollie and do  kickflips well with the kickflips I can only land one foot on the board but considering that I was surprised I still can do those things.Not to bad for the old girl.I am going to be 30 in a couple of weeks very EXCITING!

#2 yoga

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Been awhile since I have been here .I am having a  battle today .I thought perhaps writing in here might help clear my head  but  .............I was somewhere last night and it was a reminder of where I was  and where i can go .It is all up to me .I am not yet free.Well this was worth a try I am not any feeling better and  my head is not clearing  on to the next  distraction .

I love to drink h2o

Posted

Music: deep down tempo
I suppose I am guinnessgirl no more I am on the clean and sober highway !I have ended my love affair with substances for me it is just like those bad relationships you always complain ,get hurt get treated badly you know your torturing yourself by being in it you want to leave but at that time you just can't then one day you have the strength to leave that idiot behind .Sorrowful yes but you know your better than that.It for me is a full time job though and to get my shit together , gee whiz,however I didn't have any expectations to what this would all be like so although it is trying sometimes as anything can be I must say I haven't felt this good since I was about 12.It is amazing how all this bad stuff can lead to good stuff.I am also very fortunate to have the family and friends that I do. Ironically I am going to see the Alkaholiks tomorrow night the timing is silly.