coming back

Posted

Mood: down, Music: screaming in my head
Well, im back, havent been on for ages, certainly not on my blog anyways, i kinda really missed my blog even though i hardley ever wrote in it, i was lazy depressed bored and busy.
my head is screaming all the time and im tired.
i have my three beautiful kiddies and there the only thing that has kept me going, but things have to change, i cant be bothered to feel like this anymore, the drugs dont work so il have to do it myself, but maybe im too lazy to do this, need a good night out to thrash it out i think.
I feel like im living in a lifeless marriage, we both seem to hate eachother most of the time and just exsist the rest,if the children wernt here i think things would be different, we would probably be a lot happier sokmewhere else,, but my three beautiful kids hold us together, i could nevber be without them ever!
Things are hard at the moment, Sj (11) has hit puberty he hates everything and everyone, i miss being close to him,tom has started school and a little sod and grace well she is just a total princess, but as i said could never be without them, they are my life.
Had a row with my boss quit my job, maybe this will make me feel better in the long run, no more late nights, no more social life though.
on the up i have a brand new car, vauxhall zaphira and it has a flip up key i love it,, ohh and a cd player and air con(noyt really needed in winter but hey!)
did i mention how much i love my kids!
I have 4 chickens now too, rescued from the battery farm, dont like eggs though so my neighbours get them!
do you ever think you think too much , i do , im constantly thinking,maybe this makes me tired!
im feeling a need to travel, i used to do it all the time,, maybe this was just an excuse for running away,, a good excuse however.
im also feeling a harsh pain in my belly i think this is as i havent eaten may go get some chocolate in a minute,did i mention have started smoking again, i missed that too!
hm maybe a marmite sandwich will do