[Intro: DMX]
Yeah! Uh! In the name of Jesus (spread the word!)
"No weapon formed against me shall prosper" (PREACH!)
"And every turn that rise against my judgment, thou shall condemn" (PREACH!)
(LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!) For this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
(PREACH!) "And their righteousness is of me," said the Lord (PREACH!)
Amen... uh! Lord give me a sign!

[DMX]
I really need talk to you Lord
Since the last time we talked, the walk has been hard
Now I know you haven't left me, but I feel like I'm alone
I'ma big boy now, but I'm still not grown
And I'm still goin through it (WHAT!), pain and the hurt (YEAH!)
Soakin up trouble like rain in the dirt (YEAH!)
And I know! If only I can stop the rain
With just the mention of my savior's name.. in the name of Jesus!
Devil I rebuke you, for what I go through
Been tryna make me do, what I used to (WHAT!)
But all that stops right here (YEAH!)
As long as the Lord's in my life, I will have no fear
I will know no pain from the light to the dark (COME ON!)
I will no show no shame, spit it right from the heart (COME ON!)
'Cause it's right from the start, you held me down
And ain't.. nothin they can tell me now!
LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!

[Chorus] {*singing*}
Let me know what's on yo' mind
Let me know what I'm gon' find
It's all in time, show me how to teach the mind
Show me how to reach the blind (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)
Show me what I gotsta do, to bring me closer to you
As I'ma go through, whatever you want me to
Just let me know what to do (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)

[DMX]
Please, show me some'n (some'n)
I'm tired talkin to him, knowin he frontin (frontin)
Cryin 'bout, "Life ain't nothin" (nothin)
But you either, be the one mad 'cause you trapped or the one huntin (COME ON!)
Trapped in yo' own mind, waitin on the Lord (YEAH!)
Or huntin with the word that cuts like a sword
The spoken word is stronger than, the strongest man
Carries the whole world like the strongest hand
Through the trials and tribulations, you never let us down
JESUS! I know you're here with us now
JESUS! I know you're still with us now
Keep it real with us now, I wanna feel, show me how
PLEASE! Let me take yo' hand, guide me! (WHAT!)
I'll walk slow but stay right beside me!
(PLEASE!) Devil's tryna find me! (PLEASE!)
Hide me! Hold up, I take that back
Protect me and give me the strength to fight back! (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)

[Chorus]
[DMX] {*singing*} w/ choir in background
Life or death, live or die (UH!)
I will never live a lie (UH!)
I'm gon' get because I try (WHAT!)
I won't quit until I die (WHAT!)
I'm gon' make it, wrong or right (YEAH!)
And make it through the darkest time (YEAH!)
And when the morning comes, you'll see
that all I have is God in me! (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)

I know its been a while since ive last blogged but ive been kinda busy and not on here as much. But in any case i hope everyone has a great 07. I know im gonna try too.

once again somehow someone uses my name or cards to gain something. Today i learned someone used my name for a phone back in 2004 and ran it up to over 400 dollars. It turns out that it wasnt me, the SS was even different. But apparently this collection agency insist it was me. But i finally got through to them and now they are aware they have the wrong person. Not too long ago someone had my gas card info and was using it up in another state but im not sure who it was but the gas company said they would take care of it so i havent heard anything from them on that subject. Sheeesh this is making my hair turn grey. i havent been able to sleep much and now im awake from this. It just makes me mad that ppl do this shit. Whomever steals ppls identities should be lined up and hit in the balls multiple times, assuming its a guy. If its a girl, they should be having something big shoved up their ass to the point of extreme pain lol. Unless they are kinky like that then it wont work. I guess what im trying to say is, make them get fucked over just like they do other ppl.

Lets just say im gonna start my life over in a sense of believing things. I mean, i found out some disturbing stuff that was hidden and it kinda makes me think to myself who can i trust now days. No offense to you all out there but its just hard to trust and believe things and even more so now. Unfortunately i just have to hide myself a bit until its time for me to do otherwise. This has nothing to do with anyone on here but rather someone i know very close to me. So i hope you all understand. It just sucks now just because right when i can start to trust and believe things again something just tears that apart.

Lying awake, still in bed

captive by my own thoughts

mind, so powerful but restless

trying to break free

only to fall short of victory

im a prisoner in my own body

not knowing when i can sleep

not knowing when i will blackout

thoughts filling up my mind

good and bad, but how much can i take?

the heart has been beaten into submission

thanks to my past, but how can i evolve?

many sleepless nights, mornings, and days

i have been wondering if there is a cure

only if i could grasp the concept

the concept of controlling my soul

i want to be me and only me, but unable

therefore i do not like who i am

or what i have become in all of this

in the midst of a battle with my innerself

comes along my soldier, my daughter allie

all 3 feet and 34 pounds of her

she has kept me sane and afloat

if it were not for her, where would i be?

i care not to think about that

instead think of the future

but what happens when it cycles?

in captivity, how much is enough

how much torture can i endure

in the end of all this

hopefully GOD will take care of evil doings

and my daughter save me

save me from my own innerself.

I am living an exhausting lifestyle, one of which im not sure of how long it will last. Whats wrong with me? im not sure but all i know is that things are what they are. If it were not for my daughter i just wouldnt want to be around. I mean why should I? Am i being selfish for thinking this? Perhaps, yea....yea i am. Honestly how fucking selfish have i been in the last 12 years of my life? To have everything taken from me from time to time and to know what i have now i just dont understand. I dont want any pity or anything from this. This is not why im writing this. To understand life you have to experience things or see things happen to others. Well lets just say dont follow in my footsteps. Some of you are wondering what im talking about, and some of you understand what im talking about. But make no mistake, i love my daughter more than anything i will be there for her. But i cannot predict whats going to happen to me. Im having medical problems of which i cannot explain. Last night i blacked out and hit a guard rail. Nothing new, nothing i cant control. Thats all i have to say about this........

gosh dammit i wish i knew what im suppose to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Why cant i be ever fucking happy

OK this is not for ppl who dont like to cuss or ppl who get offended!

BUT FUCK THE POLICE. Im so freakin tired of cops who try to prove something. Try to be hard. This morning on the way home i get pulled over for barely running a red light. I admit i did. But it wasnt that bad but i deserved to get pulled over. But what happened next makes me wanna fuckin ............. I will leave it at that. But yea he gets out of the car and draws his gun and yells to me to get out of the car and face down on the pavement. Im like WTF. So im kinda reluctant because i havent fucking did anything wrong but run a red light. So then i comply. He cuffs me while im on the damn ground. Tells me to get up, thereafter searches me. I was trying so hard not to lose it. I admit i have a temper and this cop just is pushing my buttons beyond limitations. I ask what this is about, he tells me not to worry about it. But then asked me if he can search my car. I wanted to say no, but what good would that do. Im not hiding anything. So i say yes, so hes going through my car and takes out allies car seat and searches in the cushion and what not. So now im really starting to get pissed. I asked him once again what is it that he is looking for. He ignores me. I then yell "what the fuck are you looking for" . He looked at me and didnt say a word, he took me and placed me in the back of the cop car. This mother fucker is really getting to me. I am fighting the urge to do something. I cant stand it at this point. He then closes the door and i kick the door to get his attention and he proceeded back to my car. After searching it, he comes back and asks me if i had any weapons or drugs in my car. I said, "no, did you see weapons or drugs in my car" Ok then. So im getting smart with him because hes a fucking wannabe bad ass cop or whatever it is that hes doing. Afte his little search and all that bullshit he begins to write me a ticket. Not only one violation but 3. One for running the red light, one for inspection sticker, and insurance. I showed him a statement of my insurance because i left my card at home but the statement explains the same very gosh damn thing. So once again im fighting the urge to tell him to go to hell. But i kept my cool and accepted the damn thing. He then tells me thanks for cooperating. "FUCK YOU BITCH" DAMN IT THAT PISSES ME OFF. Not only was this embarrasing but the dick was acting as if this was a routine stop. I swear, if i see him on the streets out of uniform. Im gonna severly kick his arse. I cant wait to see him in court.

 but lousy luck. The weather is great but my luck isnt. The notre dame irish lost last night to USC. Grrrrr, if i was out there im not sure if i would have made the team win but dammit i know i could have had some kind of difference in it. Good or bad,but oh well. And now the texans are losing to the jets. I guess i just cant catch a break where as one of my fav teams win. Im not sure if im irish lol, the saying goes luck of the irish. Well wheres the luck? lol jk. Its just a game. Speaking of games, today is another game of ultimate frisbee. Im just a beginner but i was told i was better than 90% of the guys out there whom have been playing for years. I guess im just athletic and hustle alot. I dunno but we will see how i do this time around.

This morning i went to go see my daughter. Gosh i love her and miss her. Shes a character. She starting to warm back up to me again. She was riding me like a horse on my back lol. When she does that i know shes warming to the occasion. She is definately a mirror image of me lol. I saw alot of me in her today. But shes alot more beautiful than i am lol. Im glad she does have some of her mothers genes in her.

Well i ended up having some beers with my boys. Everyone wanted to play darts and well lets just say bar games is my thing. I went and beat my friend jon and his wife jessica. I havent lost in darts in forever. I must say i am pretty good at it. Same with pool too. But anyhow after the fun, i decided to leave and go to walmart to pick up a webcam just for fun. I havent had one before. My ex did but i didnt. So i went ahead and bought one. Its kinda cool. But yea, cant wait to see what tomorrow brings. The big notre dame game is tomorrow so im excited about that too.