I've finally found a suitable job!!

Posted

Mood: Happy
Helloooooo!
Yes that's right, I've found a job I'm sure I can bear for as long as needed. The money seems fair and even though it is in fact a Telesales position, I only pester existing customers in a bid to get them to take out monthly insurance cover on their own boiler and central heating systems. The commission is attractive and best of all the targets are realistic. 

Two days ago myself and a further 11 people were sent for an interview, the likes of which I have never encountered before. Instead of being sat in front of a panel or just one recruiter, we were all thrown together and given activities to perform before a maths test and a group interview. The employers explained they prefer to recruit that way as they are given a clearer picture of the type of character you really are instead of only getting to see an individuals 'interview face'. It took over three hours to complete and I was confident I had performed well. 

Yesterday morning my phone rang, I picked it up and found the employment company who had sent me to the interview on the other end. The recruitment consultant asked me how I felt my interview went before explaining that I had been the end employer's first choice for employment. In the end they only took four of us and thankfully I was one of them. Apparently they were very impressed by the way I handled myself and the way I communicated with others in my group. They predicted that I'd be very comfortable working in the environment they wish to set up. It's all target driven but there is plenty of training available and they don't like to breathe down their staff's necks the whole time as apparently it turns out people don't work best that way. As long as you make the effort to try to hit the targets and aren't spending the time chatting or dossing about on the Internet, they will not sack you for failing to meet the average quotas. All they ask for is that you genuinely try. If you do and manage to get people to buy the product you get commission on ever single account. Then if you are in the top ten earners of the month you also get a nice chunk of money on top of your basic wage and commission. The earning potential far exceeds anything I've done before and the brilliant thing is that I really think I can do what they want me to. Basically all I'm required to do is chat to customers and take it from there.

I start on the 27th of this month and I'm given at least two weeks training before they pair me up with an experienced telemarketer to see exactly how the job is done. Once I am confident on the product I am free to work alone and raise my own commisssion. This looks to be a job that I can get my teeth into without feeling under immense pressure to perform past my potential. To say I'm pleased is somewhat of an understatement! YAY ME!!

Student life....if only I were a sodding student!!

Posted

Mood: Er....what?
Recently I have found myself in somewhat of a difficult position. I feel over the past few weeks I have been truly humbled by life and it has not been an overly pleasant experience. I am living in a manner I thought I had grown too old to ever suffer from again. I'd been there once before, felt I'd paid my dues and would never have to live like this all over again.

I honestly do feel that I am starting from 'square one' and that it's just a difficult this time round as it ever was....but over time you genuinely forget just how unnerving it was.

At least I have the added bonus of being a little older and a little wiser this time around. Doesn't stop me from still having no idea what the Hell I'm doing 90 percent of the time though. Holy crap.

Right now I have no idea what I'm going to feel like from one hour to the next. I seem to be just about functioning yet it's almost as if I'm on auto-pilot. I know this will pass as my life slowly becomes a little more stable. When I can actually start planning when I can eat on a daily basis again I feel that will be a good start. I'm so sick of living on toast and coffee punchuated by the odd bowl of cereal. If I'm lucky. I've waited until I'm almost thirty to start living like a damn student. I'm too old for this shit.

Alan Frank Stacey

Posted

Music: Dr Feelgood - Milk and Alcohol
In loving memory of a man who was taken from us too soon. He was a friend of mine and many others from the local area. 

Alan died from Heart Disease on the 12th July 2007. He is survived by one son, Daniel. 

We all attended Alan's funeral yesterday. It was heart-wrenching to see so many people openly express their grief for 'The Doc'. I was sad yet was moved to tears upon seeing Daniel say goodbye to his father. Alan was only 49 and we didn't expect to have to say our farewells to him so quickly. 

You will always be remembered Alan. You were a mad bastard and that's why so many of us loved you.

Jacky

It's only Lego!!

Posted

Mood: I have no words for it., Music: Mos Def - Body Rock
Before I moved into my present home, I built my very first personal computer. With the help of my talented friend Jason, I managed to aquire the relevant components and physically put the thing together under his guidance. For many years I had been one of those people who has seen the inside of a computer and thought 'There's no way I'm touching that, too many wires and I'm guaranteed to break it'. Jason finally convinced me to give the whole thing a go when I finally needed to obtain a computer of my own for as little money as possible. I already knew that I would have to put it together myself and felt nervous that it would prove too difficult for me. Jason always told me that once you understand what the parts inside do in relation to each other you can literally click what you need into place, plug in the correct wires and you're away. It's only Lego. Got a question? Read the fucking manual. It's all there and I instantly understood about 80 percent of what I was doing. Jason had to clarify a few things but he was indeed right, it's just like Lego. The software bit I'm still hazy on I admit although a lot more makes sense since I constructed the damn thing. She's my baby, she runs like a dream and she helps me speak to you guys. I love her.

Needless to say I was rather impressed that I had actually managed to make something of such a nature by myself. Sure I had help but everyone needs that from time to time and I have learnt it is not such a bad thing to accept.

Four days ago the weather was nice and sunny. Jason and his brother Ross had popped round to see me and we were all sat in the garden. I spotted the delapidated mountain bike hiding amoungst the weeds near the back fence. Upon retrieval I noticed that the body work was in good order yet the chain had come off and was rusted. I turned the bike upside-down and found it easy to follow in logical order what needed fixing on the bike. I saw it as Lego, lots of little parts that go together to make a whole. When viewing something like that it doesn't seem so scary. It is actually surprising how much you can figure out with a little common sense and a willingness to have a go. 

I have to identify to whom the bike belongs to so I can ask them if I may fix it and use it. And the crazy thing is that I KNOW I CAN fix it.

So over the past couple of days it has also occured to me that to see one's life as Lego is a fairly positive and healthy thing to do. Rather than looking at the big picture and writing it off as too hard, focus on the individual parts that make it work. This way you don't freak out and before you know it, you've gone and achieved something you never thought yourself capable of. Holy crap!

After it all......

Posted

Mood: Sentient, Music: Portishead - Only you

My estranged Husband has made it through the storm and the prognosis is the best anyone could ever hope for. The operation was a success and he still has feeling where he should and has full mobility in his legs. Right now he's in a lot of pain and the physiotherapy will be a toughie but the guy is gonna make it. Not only that but  he looks to be on the way to full recovery.

Drama over at last. Thank Christ that's one thing I can tick off the list of 'The Shite In The Life Of Jacky Cook'. Frankly my life is all over the place at the moment. There's choices to be made, work to be done, changes coming and a whole lot more I haven't even thought about yet. Money's never been so tight and my determination to dig myself out of this hole has NEVER been stronger. 

At this moment in time, I am sober, straight and the depression is taking a few hours off. I am perfectly lucid at this moment. I want to share a small secret that I'm nurturing inside myself. No, I'm not pregnant, I wouldn't be so damn calm if I were. My secret is this. I am a awsome creature capable of feats I am unable to even comprehend at this time. It may sound as if I've finally snapped and gone mad but I am actually afraid of the amount of personal power I am capable of raising. If I do what I must to be where I want to ultimately be in my life, I have to release my talents that are inherent to the being I truly am. If you can understand what I'm talking about then you are also aware of what it is you really are.  To be Human is simply a condition. The human body simply houses the collective enegry that makes what some term 'the soul'. I understand this very well. The simpliest way I can express this to you is to say that sometimes when I walk down the street, I do not see Homosapiens, I see enegry manifested as light.  

I too am Human. Prone to mortal imperfections that cloud my core day-to-day judgements but never the less I am a collection of energy, some of which is as old as the Earth itself. Just the same as you. I am now on the cusp of the change that could possibly make me one of the most personally powerful people on the planet. I am about to uncover the truth of my own abilities. Mark my words, metaphorically speaking I am capable of moving mountains and I know it. I am not frightened of failing as I know I will not. I am a little scared of the change. However what does seriously terrifies me is that it will only drive me further from my own neighbour. The majority of people I come across will not understand me, they cannot comprehend what I am. I will never fit in with what is classed as 'normal' society. Ever. I will always be given a label of being mad or at best a bit odd yet all I am is enlightened. 

It's time to let go of my need to belong. My irrational desire to be liked by everyone. It's one of the personal crosses I have endured through my own volition all my life. I see that this is a negative aspect to my personality that has finally outstayed it's welcome and it's time to stand up and say enough. I am about to realise my own potential and it's limitless. This is a fact.

 At least I also know that are there amongst you whom fully comprehend everything I have just said. There are thousands, possible even millions of us here. I'm very pleased to meet you. :-)

And still we wait.....

Posted

Mood: Indignant

My ex-husband is still lying in a bed in completely the wrong hospital with a broken back. Monday afternoon he was scheduled to go under the knife in an attempt to fix him. Monday came and went and still he remained in exactly the same spot he's been in for almost two weeks now. Apparently Oxford hospital lost Ben's paperwork and everything fell to bits. He's still in Swindon awaiting to be transfered for the operation. He's now been told he's due for the proceedure this coming Friday. Can we believe them? It seems we shall only believe what we can now see. Actions speak louder than words and frankly Ben's treatment has been handled very poorly. This is NOT down to the doctors and nurses caring for him but rather the faceless bastards who make decisions about peoples lives whom they will never meet. In England we are taxed for contributions to pensions and the National Health Service ect. This money is obviously being pissed up against the wall by the fat cats who run the show. Our 'free' health care service is little more than a sham. Red tape and poor man-management is resulting in patients missing out on vital treatment. The resources in the NHS are stretched to breaking point, hospital staff are paid a pitance and medicines which we have in fact paid for up front, in theory, are denied to us.
 Swindon and Oxford hospitals have only decided in the past few days who's budget Ben's operation will be taken from. It took them almost a week fighting between themselves before one of them caved and granted the money for Ben's op. Nice of them huh?

I fully understand that we are indeed lucky to live in a country where health care is something every individual is entitled to. Many developed countries have to pay for such a service and the developing world are often not in such a position of luxury. Therefore my main problem is that we are taxed at source for a service that isn't worth a damn. If it weren't for the staff on the 'front line' who deal with the patients on a day to day basis, the NHS would cease to exist. Our governement has slowly yet surely bled the thing dry and are now holding up the empty carcass and claiming everything is under control. They have in effect privatised what we have come to believe is a 'free' service. They have imposed such unrealistic financial targets on our health care bodies that people are left to suffer and in too many cases die altogether.

Over all I think it's safe to state that I am truly disgusted with what is happening to Ben. Considering he is told almost every day that they plan to move him and operate then his hopes are dashed due to beaurocracy rather than what's best for the patient, I believe he is being treated in an unacceptably cruel fashion. As you know, I am a gobby little fucker and find that at this time the only thing I can do in his interest is make a lot of noise and apply as much pressure from the outside as I can. I am working my way through the hospitals own complaints system. I am also drafting a letter to the Department Of Health in London telling them exactly how I feel and what I intend to do next. Which is contact the press. I have already had interest expressed from the local newspaper and will sing to anyone who will listen, including my local Member of Parliment. It may all amount to nothing but even if speaking out against such unfairness prompts others to speak up too then I will feel my efforts just. I simply cannot lie down and take this, even though it is not happening to me personally it doesn't stop it from being wrong. The NHS now even hold a price to human suffering as well as how much a human life is worth and let me tell you, it's woefully inadequate. I can't just stand by and watch someone close to me, regardless of the fact we are no longer a couple, be humiliated like this. It's not fucking on. Really.

Crunch Time for Ben....

Posted

Mood: Pensive
On Friday just gone I visited my estranged Husband in the hospital. As soon as I saw him flat on his back with tubes and wires coming out of him I cried. He cried too, let's face it, who wouldn't?!

We talked about what had happened to him and how the doctors were planning to fix him. The upshot is that he has to have a small brace fitted to his spine to hold his back together and the two broken vertabre he currently has. That is due to happend at 2pm today.

The strange thing is that Ben is able to presently move his legs. He can wiggle his toes and even lift his knees. Apparently patients with his kind of specific injuries are automatically paralysed from the chest down. In short, Ben should not be physically able to do the things he is. This makes the doctors hopeful that he could make a full recovery. The only danger is that they will do further damage in the event of trying to operate. The only thing holding his upper body together right now is his ribcage and obviously this is making the surgeons a little nervous. No one wants to be the guy who paralysed the medical marvel.

After seeing my Husband and speaking with the doctors I am genuinely convinved that Ben will not suffer from paralysis. I know that man well enough to know that when he sets his mind to something he does it. Ben wants to walk again, Hell the crazy idiot even wants to ride a motorcycle again and that's what put him in this position in the first place! The very same bloody-mindedness of Ben that forced me to leave is exactly the same thing that will pull him through this trauma. Every single cloud has a lining in it somewhere, even if it's hard to see.

The other good thing to come out of this terrible accident is that Ben and I are speaking again. When he finally does recover I hope that affiliation can continue. No I don't ever expect that we'll be the best of friends but at least we can be civil to each other. I'd very much like that.

So people, please keep your fingers crossed for a fellow human being who needs the good vibes right now. When Ben finally does walk again, I promise to thank you all individually if that's what it takes. I know you're good people out there so please just take a moment to pray for him. And for those of you without any form of religious persuation, a genuine 'good luck man' will surfice.

Thank you. Really.
Jacky
XXXX

And so it goes on..........

Posted

Mood: So-so
I've arranged to go and visit my ex today. I need to get to him as much as he needs to see me. I need to hear what the doctors have to say for myself. I need to speak with Ben and give him the reassurances he is looking for. That poor bastard is terrified and if I were in his position I would be too.

My present fella has been incredibly understanding about this whole thing. I understand that this situation must be a strain for him. Not only does he have to cope with me panicing every few hours but also the vague thought that I may reconsile with my husband due to what's happened.
It's something I have to be careful with. I obviously still care for my husband yet it's been almost a year since our separation and I am still convinced I made the right decision for us both. At times like this one's own emotions can be confusing and frankly it's another added pressure I really don't need at the moment. Yet I cannot and will not turn my back on my husband, I'm pleased to say it is not within my nature to be so mean. We shared so much history and he needs a real friend right now.

Why can't life just be simple?!

NO MORE DRAMA!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Posted

Mood: Numb, Music: NO More Drama - Mary J. Blige
Just as I start to get on my feet, just as I think I can make it there's yet more fucking drama.
My estranged husband Ben had a motorcycle accident on Saturday. He's in hospital with a broken back and I feel as if I have left the poor bastard all over again. 

Rationally I know this is not my fault, that it was an accident yet I cannot help but feel responsible. If I had stayed he might not have been riding like he had nothing to lose and would still be safe. In the past twelve months his wife has left him and now the doctors are unsure as to if he will ever walk again. The prognosis is fair but the medical staff caring for him are afraid that in the process of fixing him (requiring an operation) they may do enough damage to paralyse him for the rest of his life.

Simply put I no longer feel that Ben and I can be a couple yet I am unable to just stop caring for him all together. I'm a better person than that and hence his pain is still causing me emotional agony. 

What the Hell do I do now?!!

There is no gravity, the Earth SUCKS!!

Posted

Mood: pissed off
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm going down the garden to eat worms!