Posted

Life seems to just be in a downward spiral lately. Derek's dad's alzheimers has progressed basically from moderate to severe almost overnight. The changes are incredible. He is unable to wash himself, dress himself, or use the washroom himself. He gets lost in his own home. These past few nights he thinks he's on a camping trip. Seriously... it's scary stuff. One morning, he was naked in the hallway talking to the closet. Another time he peed on the bathroom floor and tried to wash his hands in the toilet. *ewww* He's having hallucinations, he walks around laughing for no reason. Recently, he's begun a "search" for something that he insists we've taken. He's so confused. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. It's like having an infant, babbling & drooling & completely dependant on us.

As worried as I am about him, I'm also really worried about Derek. He has permanent dark circles under his eyes, he's shakey, short tempered, & stressed out. We've been basically homebound for the last few months because Billy can't be left alone. I feel socially withdrawn, and I don't know how to handle such stressful situations.

As happy as I am to report on the "relationship front", we've been getting alone great, I'm also sad to say I can't really remember the last time we've had time for "us". Romance has definitely been put on the back burner...but it's completely understood.

Billy had an assessment the other day, and he is now on the waiting list for a nursing home. There is no guilt in that... because we know we have done all we can do.

The hardest thing of all is watching Derek lose another parent. It seems unfair & cruel. I have a newfound respect for that man. Seeing all he does for his father. Everything. I mean... the guy has to wipe his father's butt. He's amazing. *sniffles* gettin' emotional here.

As you can imagine, I've been living the life of a hermit. I stopped shopping. YES, I did! Since Christmas I have NOT shopped. Not much by choice, but because my car *RIP Betsy*, finally bit the big one. My muffler had come completely OFF and was dragging behind in a blaze of beautiful sparks. I drove it two weeks like that before I barrelled into derek's work one day in tears sniffling, "I REFUSE to drive this any more" *SNots*

I had another car in a week:) *BoaSts* Also, on Christmas day back home, I got into a fender bender with Derek's car. Nothing big except I misjudged the size of the WAGON I was driving and clipped a car's bumper. This car was a 1991 dodge shadow, and we chose NOT to go thru insurance. I ended up paying $680!! That's more than that effin car is worth! *grumbles*

NO, I do not have a ring yet, but the longer it takes, the less I care. Not meaning that in a bad way... but other things just seem so much more important right now than complaining about a lack of *sParkLies* on my finger. I will be thrilled if it does come, but to be honest, marriage is beginning to look less appealing. Lol. I always felt OLD as my friends slowly all took the walk down the aisle, leaving me behind as the everlasting bridesmaid. BUT, you know you feel REALLY old when your friends start getting divorced. *HoLy sChMolie* I don't want to be divorced by 30, so if it takes a little longer to be SURE, then it's worth the wait. HOLY SHIT. I think little Banana is growing up. *LooKit that!* *wATches as a piG flies by the wiNdow*

(HAHA) I kid, I kid

My birthday is in a few weeks. I’ll be 28. *NOT* a fan. I started using wrinkle cream last week. It's never TOO early.

I have a dog! Not really though. Our buddy Ryan's Mom passed away suddenly in Dec. and she left behind her beloved Dakota. The dog loves us, so he asked if we could watch her for a couple days.

Ummm... we've had her for 2 months. *sNickers* I LOVE her though, and I'm getting attached. She is so well behaved... ALL of my purses are safe:) *No worries*

To wrap up my little novel here... I'll finish by saying *WHOOHOOOOO!* Christa is moving back to Halifax from Russia in July, and Morgan is moving back in June! I'm preparing myself for a busy summer of bar hopping & martini nights. I will need to re-supply myself with boobie shirts of course. Of COURSE!

At what age are you considered a “Couger?”

5 comments

Posted

I haven't been on this site in ages.. I'm still a facebook fan:) I do, however, miss writing my blogs & enjoying *Oh so wiTTy* comments from my friends.
Also..when did this site get different again??? LoL.. OOOHhhhh changes sometimes suck:( Boooooo

AN UPDATE for my LoveliEs:)

1) Family crisis... It's been a rough go for the Van Beelen clan. My Daddy had a heart attack a few weeks ago. (FYI) ---> SMOKING KILLS.. He was scheduled for a quadruple bypass on a Monday.
My uncle..(his younger brother) waited with us all day at the hospital. He had to leave for an hour for a dr's appointment. An hour & a half later, we got a call saying that my uncle had a heart attack while leaving his dr's office. *ExCuse ME?*
To make a loooOong story short & to the point... he also had a stroke, and begun bleeding in the brain. Within just a few hours he was braindead. It is still shocking... he was just doing a puzzle with us just hours before. Life is so unfair & cruel. What was even harder.. was telling my Father that his little brother died of a heart attack, while his own heart was healing from his surgery. Dad couldn't even go to the funeral.
2 brothers... 2 heart attacks...same hospital..same day. CRAZy. My uncle died... daddy is okay. I am happy but devastated... I am also racked with guilt....because it was MY dad who lived.. does that make any sense?

2) My BFF from back home, Alycia, just spent the weekend with me & Roo. We have pictures:) Christa was also down. I had a blast with my gals! Pics can be viewed on facebook... Premiere ends today on here so I won't be able to post them in time. *sorrrrrrrry*

3) I still don't have a ring:( But Derek and I are doing better than ever before & that makes me all *YAYYYYYYYYYYYY*!!! Nothing has changed with his father. Still declining in health... slowly but surely. Alzheimers is such a horrible disease.. it just breaks my heart to see the changes. *inserT frowny-faCe*

4) i'M officially going into *HIbernatioN Mode*. They are calling for the coldest & snowiest winter in 15 years. CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY DEAL.
I'm not one of those chicks who is into "winter" activities. I prefer curling up by the nice, warm fire...snuggling & making out. I like my feet to be warm, thankyouverymuch.

5) My car died. Finally. But i managed to get the necessities fixed... I only need it to make it the winter. *crosses fingers* Then we buy a new one. At least i'm not worried about dying of exhaust fumes anymore. Apparently my "converter" looked like a cheese grater. Niiiiiice.

I could write forever probably... but alas.. nature calls. Plus I need to prepare for my nightly trek home from work. *SHiver me tiMbers*
IT's cold out therrrrrrrrrrrre... *doUbles up on the mittens*

6 comments

love it!

Posted

I am absolutely LOVING a song on the Pink cd. It's not one that I've heard on the radio, probably because it's too controversial.
I love the song, I love the lyrics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Mr. President-- PINK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pay the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

5 comments

The buzzzz

Posted

I'm bored at work, so here's an update on what's going on in bananaland-

My poor ears! Over 3 weeks now. *PoutS* 2 different doctors say it's allergies. I have been living off antihistamines for 3 weeks and I was prescribed some steroid nasal spray. *Not helPing* They feel itchy and fuzzy inside. I've never had this type of reaction from allergies before. EVER. I bought some ear drops today, but I think I need to have my ears flushed. *eWwwwww*

I spent 2 days this week training in a new account at work. I now sit at the other end of the office in a group of people my own age! *how FAntabUlous* It's celebrity gossip & boy bashing all day long! *WHeeeeeee!*

Halloween. I am not even sure if we're going out, but I still bought a costume. It's a super cute pirate. Derek says i'm forbidden to wear it downtown due to it barely covering my ass-ets. *hehe* Silly boy says that every year, but that's what happens when you buy your costume from a sex store. *wiNks*

Midnight also has a costume. He's a skeleton. NoooOoo..this is *NOT* animal abuse, btw:)
ISN"T HE ADORABLE???????????

5 comments

something different:)

Posted

OKie dokie...

Open your purses (ladies)
Pockets for the men (or "man bags"..whatever) & List what you find.. other than lint:)

Mp3 player ---> i'm not cool enough to have an ipod
Wallet---> no money:(
Gum ---> for minty fresh breath *SmOOtch*
body spray --> Calgon mist in tropical.. Yummmm
Lighter --> (cause i smoke SO much.. lol) NOT
tampon --> no explanation necessary
Pen--> cause i write myself lots of notes
notes to myself ---> because i need them
Nail file---> my weapon of choice. Also handy for quick nail repairs
Handcream --> not a fan of dry skin
nasal spray --> for my itchy insides..darn sinuses
hand sanitizer ---> germs are icky
keys --> I'm too old to be climbing through windows
Lipstick --> HELLO i am a woman
pack of mousies --> a present for becca's cats that i forgot to drop off
1 bottle of tylenol with codeine--> for muh migraines
1 bottle of pepto pills ---> pepto always makes my belly feel better
2 packages of sinus pills --> Because I am a drugstore
pill box of mixed pills --> contains gravol, regular tylenol, midol, & a green pill that looks delicious, but i forget what it does
2 tubes of lipgloss --> one is clear, one is light pink. VARIETY people..
nail pencil --> I like my nails to be white & well manicured
mini purfume --> trial of clinque "happy".. but it gives me a headache
tube of lip conditioner--> for VERY chapped lips.. winter time chappies - BLahhhh
Corkscrew/ bottle opener --> to uncork my lunch
Makeup---> the usual, to make myself feel purDyful & freSH

Obviously I am a fan over oversized bags:)

9 comments

It's my life

Posted

MY EARS! MY EARS! *scratches like a flea-ridden doG* 2 weeks & my ears are still plugged & itchy inside. I feel like sticking a q-tip through my eardrum right through to my brain. How annoying. I have no infection, apparently I have fluids built up due to an allergy. The dr's first question was, "Do you live in a smoking household"?.. *PauSes*.. Why YES..yes I do. *shakes fisT* But let's not go into THAT.

Midnight is losing weight. I'm not sure if it's just that he's shedding some of his fat fur, or if it's because I've been brushing him regularly. He's getting skinny. He's always been a bit on the *ahEm* LARGER side, so this weight loss is concerning me. He is 13, but a very active senior. He does eat though, so I don't know what to make of this. Perhaps he feels the pressure of society to be thin. Perhaps I am on crack and should seriously stop thinking of him as a person. Oh well. He's my baby. *sQueeZes KittY*

My car. Ohhhh my car. Is it bad that I actually would be somewhat RELIEVED if I got pulled over? Simply because it would all be over with. If I do see those flashing lights behind me, I am going to simply get out of my car, throw my hands on the hood of my illegal broken down rustmobile, and say, "Cuff me officer...take me to jail but please skip the cavity search".

There's a par-tay this weekend. Kimmy's boyfriend's birthday. He looks kinda like Vince on Entourage, so natually, that's what I call him. I'm gonna bring Vince a bday tiara so he can be princess for a day. *smirKs* Should be a good time. It's been ages since I've been to a good house party & I'm excited to meet some new people. I will take pictures.... it shall be a good time. *tuRns kitcheN table into a dANce flooR*

Apparently the buses in the city are going to strike on Monday. DO YOU KNOW how much this screws me up? I do the "park & ride".. which means I drive halfway and bus the rest. I already leave 1 1/2 hrs before my shift starts. GEEZUS..I'm gonna have to get up at 5am to make my 9am shift. Traffic is going to be MORE retarded than usual & I think I might just toss myself down a flight of stairs headfirst in the hopes of breaking my arm so I don't have to go to work. *coVers head & takeS a diVe*

Today's "PayDay PresenT" : a black pearl necklace- OoOhhhhh la la! *For yOU, JaNa...*
*OHhhhh, whY ThanK you JaNa, how generOus of YoU*

5 comments

holy mood swings batman

Posted

Well.. I had a SUPER fantastic weekend back home. Was the first time in quite a while that I actually brought out "Fun Jana". Let's just say the drinks went down a little "more" than smoothly. *snickErs* The bouncers literally had to make us leave the bar after closing time. I was still ready to par-Tay! *not faiR*
My bestest bud, Alycia, came out with us Sat night. Her first time out in 2 years!. *She's SucH a YuMmy MumMy*. She had a fiasco where her hubby accidentally locked their baby in the car with the only set of keys. Even the tow truck guy couldn't get the lock open. *damN bmw Locks* They had to break a window in the beamer & it took 3 smashes with a hammer to break it. The baby was bawling, but as soon as he got in his mommy's arms..he was all good:)

I HAD A BLAST... I am slowly beginning to remember people I saw that night. I ran into a lot of friends. It would be nicer if i remembered it all though. I posted pictures, and it's quite obvious that I'm slightly intoxicated, but extremely happy. I actually can't wait to go back again! *DId i just saY thaT?* eeeeeek.

UH Oh.. here it comes. *TooooT TOoot* Hop on board the bi-polar express.......

After the fantabulous time I had this weekend... for some reason, yesterday I could not muster the motivation to get out of bed. It was my day off, a beautiful day. I slept until 4pm. I got up to try fixing my msn, got frustrated, threw a few things, & quit. *RAWRRRR*

I decided that I'm much happier when I'm asleep. SoOoo, I popped more sleepytime sinus meds & back to slumberland I went. *droOls on her Pillow* I woke up at some point only for a juice refill to pop more pills. It was the BEST, most sedated sleep ever.

I think I love sleep so much because it's such an escape from reality. AND..because I'm lazy of course.

I could still sleep..

Arggg.. I'm troubled. I need a few things to change. I'm 27, yet I feel 50. At what point did I lose control of my own life? Please keep in mind that this is today, and by tomorrow I could be utterly happy again. * 6 secondS to mY next MOod swinG*

4 comments

YEsss i am a raving lunatic

Posted

I'm not even a student and I HATE BACK TO SCHOOL. My trip to work in the morning feels like it's doubled. By the time I arrive for my shift I feel wiped out. Traffic is a real bitch... makes me cranky. So does crappy weather. Moooooooo. I am SO not ready for winter. Snowstorms & frost, darkness at 5pm, -100 degree weather. *Brrrrrr* I am SO gonna hibernate. *grabs her kitty & her boY*

YUP. I'm a bit moo-ey today. But paper towel is on sale at the drugstore for .69. *WOooooooooT* That brings the ol' mood up a bit. *sighs* I am getting SO OLD. *slOps on the wrinKle cream* Pretty soon I'll be peeing in a bedside container & eating date squares to regulate my bowel movements. Ewwww. Not a pretty picture.

I bought an herbal sleep aid yesterday. Non-addictive, all natural, works WITH your body to restore natural sleeping patterns. I just can't sleep on my own anymore. Always worrying about something. A certain situation is going quite badly & I am completely at wit's end. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I CAN do. It's frustrating. Poor Schmoopy is way worse than I am. It seems like I have all the answers but absolutely no way to apply them. I wish I didnt' have to be so vague on this topic, but unfortunately I have to be. It's one of those iffy situations where it has nothing to do with me, but in another sense, it has everything to do with me.
*Lets off the MOthER of all MoooooooS* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Holy fuzzy ears........ Stupid earaches. The insides feel all itchy. Seriously.. my eardrums feel fuzzy.. *NOT NORMAL* I made a dr's appt for tomorrow. I feel like i'm 5 again with tubes in my ears. Yummy yummy grape medicine. Maybe I'll get some of that again.

This weekend we're going to Saint John. My *bestest*, Alycia, is super excited and wants to go out. She hasn't been "Out" in 2 years & she's planning on getting pregnant again soon, so THIS IS IT! Becca is coming with us so prepare for some "dowN home" photo shoots. *sooooo excited* Hopefully Daddy & Schmoopy will have a *secret smokebreak* in the garage to discuss the permission of walking me down the aisle.*hehe* Ahhhhh. I can't wait to hug my dad. *sniffles*

*reFlects* I miss the old SWYDM. The OLD one. Like.. 3-4 years ago. Back when it was awesome. Before the original server crashed. I hardly know anyone on here anymore. No one is ever online, and I just don't care much for the layout. Remember salutes? I used to love doing salutes.. . There used to be days when I'd be on the site for hours a day, and it was fun. The Forums were pretty entertaining, & Karma points could get you upgraded memberships.
Those were the days...

RIP Britney's career. (and abs) Isn't it annoying when someone has it ALL and handles it so retardedly that it can never be redeemed? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. *shakes head*

6 comments

another one bites the dust

Posted

So I finally got an estimation of how much it'll cost to get my car fixed & inspected. Try $3000. *pfft* Of course I don't have a spare 3 grand laying around, plus the car is not worth it in general. Duct tape can't fix the rotted underbelly of a car. (unfortunately)
I'm supposed to be saving some $$$ for a new one. I don't remember what it feels like to drive without having to take my foot off the pedal when I pass by a cop, or say a quick prayer that no one notices my missing inspection sticker.

Everybody I know is having babies. Something in the water I guess. That's why i'm sticking with my Mt.dew. thankyouverymuch. I love babies & I do want one someday... but babies are sticky, & sticky will ruin my purses.

I know Alzheimers is a serious disease, and I really should NOT find this mildly amusing, especially since we take care of Derek's dad, who has it. But this lightens the mood a bit & makes me giggle. Plus, it's soooooooo true.

Things with Schmoopy & I are going *spleNdidly*. We went "shrub shopping" yesterday because he went a little overboard with the chainsaw. If THAT doesn't sound like something a married couple would do..i don't know what to tell ya. I've been feeling sooo sulky & snuggly that I practically cuddle-rape him every night. *curLs up into hiS groOVe* It's so comforting. *wipes her NOse on his sleeVe*

I don't get it. I take care of my belongings. Yet I have the WORST luck with electronics. My digital camera is only working "sometimes", and my mp3 player bit the dust too. I ordered a pink mp3 player online *Yayyy* & pretty soon I'll need a new camera, because GOD FORBID I don't have one. *twiddles thUmbs* I'm a bit impatient and I wantonenowwww!!!

Midnight was acting really antisocial yesterday. I called home & Schmoopy said he's the same way today. He's only usually snobby when he's not feeling well.

He better not die. OH GODDDDDDDDDD.. My poor flooooofies

*thInk happy ThouGhts BananaS*