Posted

 

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58.
The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change
when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her.
She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while
looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two
quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he
tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there
and cried. Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish
and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of
animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this
so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this
way of making a living? Topic for class participation after
answering the question:
How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down
their homes? (There are no wrong answers — if you feel
like crying, it’s ok)

6. Teaching Math In 2007
Un hachero vende una carretada de Madera para $100. El
costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

Posted

Mood: bored
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

good ideas!

Posted

Mood: hungover, Music: bad country
You gotta love Robin Williams!
Even if he's nuts!  Leave it to Robin
Williams to come up with the perfect
plan.  What we need now is for our
UN Ambassador to stand up and
repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to
argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace
but I have not heard of a plan for
peace.  So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present.  You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines .  They don't want us there.  We would station troops at our borders.  No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 30 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home.  After 30 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are.  They're illegal!!!   France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!!  No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.  If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here.  Asylum would never be available
to anyone.  We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21.  The older ones are the bombers.  If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise.  This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness.  The caribou will have to cope for a while

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.  If they don't like it, we go someplace else.  They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere."  They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.  Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army.  The people who need
it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace.  We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.  That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.  The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses."  She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "

beer!!

Posted

Drinking Non Alcoholic Beer Iinstead of Regular Beer IS like eating your Sisters Pussy!! It might taste the same but It just AIN'T Right!!!!!!!!!!!   SOrry  I thought it was funny!

joke

Posted

Mood: hungover
A girl sees two dogs fucking!  Her mom says hey they are baking a cake! The little girl says, I saw you and daddy baking a cake last night. I licked the frosting off the couch!!

good stufff

Posted

Mood: happy
 > > >The Husband Store
> > >
> > >A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where
> > >a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
> > >entrance is a description of how the store operates:
> > >
> > >You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value
> > >of the product increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
> > >
> > >The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose
> > >to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit
> > >the building!
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first
> > >floor the sign on the door reads:
> > >
> > >Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
> > >
> > >The second floor sign reads:
> > >Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> > >
> > >The third floor sign reads:
> > >Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
> > >Looking.
> > >
> > >"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
> > >
> > >She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
> > >Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
> > >Help With Housework.
> > >
> > >"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
> > >Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
> > >
> > >Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help
> > >with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
> > >
> > >She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on to the sixth floor and the
> > >sign
> > >reads:
> > >
> > >Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
> > >this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
> > >to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
> > >
> > >To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner also opened a New Wives
> > >store just across the street.
> > >
> > >The first floor has wives that love sex.
> > >
> > >The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
> > >
> > >The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
> > >

International Disadvantaged People's Day

Posted

Mood: fun, Music: classic rock
  Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an
encouraging message to a SPECIAL friend, just as I've done. I don't care if
you lick window s, interfere with farm animals, pick dust out of the air, vote
liberal or occasionally shit yourself.......You hang in there sunshine,
you're freaking special...

somethin

Posted

Mood: blah

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet / would you like to meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was / is your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me / would you like to know me more?

13. Would you like to go on a magical find for the ultra adventure with me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Posted

Mood: bored, Music: classic rock

  I usually don't like these pesky "warnings", but this one is
>       important!
>         I hope I'm not too late.
>
>         Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
>
>         If someone comes to your front door saying they are
conducting
a
>       survey
>         on
>         deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance
>       around to
>         shake
>         off the ticks, do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to
see
>       you
>         naked.
>
>         I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.  I feel so stupid now

AND ONE MORE!!

Subject:  The Inventor Story........

died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,

"Since your motorcycles have changed the world, your

reward is: you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,

"I want to hang out with God."

St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him

to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so

you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"

Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing

something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution,

and can't run without a road?!"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke,
"Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional,

you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!"

"Hmmmm, you have some good points there..."

replied God, "it may be true  that my invention is flawed,

but according to my calculations, more men are
riding my invention than yours!"

 

funny story

Posted

Mood: bored
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a 
new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person  will
pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As  homework
tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short  story.
You
will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another  copy to me.
The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add  another paragraph
to the
story and send it back, also sending another  copy to me. The first
person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on  back-and-forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in  order to keep the story
coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking  outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in  the e-mail. The story is
over
when both agree a conclusion has been  reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind 
off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about  him
too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out  of the
question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron 
now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about  than
the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with  whom he
had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to  Geostation
17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar  orbit established. No
sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could  sign off a bluish
particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a  hole through his ship's
cargo
bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent  him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt 
one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who  had
ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its  pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously 
excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her  youth,
when
the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no  newspaper to
read, no
television to distract her from her sense of  innocent wonder at all
the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one  lose one's innocence to
become a
woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched 
the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy  peaceniks
who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty  through the
Congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the  hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships 
were
on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the  entire
planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their 
diabolical
plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere  unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret mobile submarine  headquarters on the
ocean
floor off the coast of Guam, felt the  inconceivably massive explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie  and 85 million other Americans.
The
President slammed his fist on the  conference table. "We can't allow
this!
I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have 
chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA? Oh no,  I'm such
an air
headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F__K YOU -- YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one