If we brought George Washington to our time, I bet he'd be astonished by all the technology we have... especially the time machine that brought him here. I don't even know how that works.

Meerkats make me laugh, but so does the red ass of the baboon.

Yoda can fight, WELL.

Sam and Frodo are NOT gay.

I am looking forward to so many movies this year, but as much money as the Matrix will make, I predict Return of the King makes more and wins best picture and director in the 2004 Oscars.

I am proud to say I never had a mullet.

Why do some people feel the need to talk back to the police? In the RARE instant you're right, you still can't win.

I hate it when people pay with a check at the store, especially when they start writing it after being rung up. Everything should be already writen except the amount, otherwise use your damn check card!

I don't think any deodorant with a strip works better than those without.

Whether you like their music or not, it is un-deniable that the Beatles are the greatest band ever.

Bottled water, what the fuck?

Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm are the funniest t.v. shows ever, and The Sopranos is probably the best t.v. show, period.

Why do women remember so many anniversaries? I mean the first date, kiss, fuck, year, and then if you get married...

Deny it if you like, but everyone has looked into the toilet before they flush it at least once.

Don't jump on the elderly too badly for their driving, because you're gonna be old one day too.

Miniature golf is kinda fun.

Bowling is not, has not, and NEVER will be a sport.

There is nothing "manly" about shooting an animal with a high powered rifle. You wanna be a man? Kill that bear, hell a DEER, with a hunting knife.

Sandman by Neil Gaiman is the best comic ever written.

I pray to God that before I start needing regular colon/prostate checks, that there is a pill for it.

“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.”

-Tom Wilson

"The series ain't over. It's far from over."

-Kobe Bryant, after game 4 of the 2008 NBA Championship Series



The Celtics crushed the Lakers last night, 131-92 , to win the 2008 NBA championship, an NBA record 17th overall, their 39 point win surpassing the NBA record for the biggest margin of victory in a championship clincher.

Player of the game Kevin Garnett dropped to the parquet and kissed the leprechaun at center court and then found Bill Russell, the Hall of Famer who has 11 Celtic championship rings and taught him the Celtic way, for a long embrace."I got my own. I got my own," Garnett said. "I hope we made you proud."

"You sure did," Russell replied.











Perfect ending, a 17th title on the 17th of June.

I'm still giddy.

Last week sometime, I don't remember exactly when because it's a blur of high 90 degree heat, Scarlett Johansson told Politico magazine she trades frequent emails with Presidential hopeful, Bawimpy Owhinny, and that she is "shocked that he keeps up their back-and-forth correspondence." Johansson doesn't really go into great detail about what these emails are about or why they are emailing each other at all, but it obviously can't be anything bad because Owhinny is the golden calf and can do no wrong, although some think it's simply because her twin brother Hunter, works for Bawimpy.

Whatever. My sisters friend used to work at Disneyland, but Mickey Mouse never emailed me. Why is Scarlett so special? Theories include my absence of a "gigantic rack."

Wow, what surprise, a jury has found R. Kelly not guilty, acquitting the singer of all fourteen counts of child pornography. Kelly was first charged six years ago after the kinky sex tape surfaced allegedly featuring him having sex, among OTHER things, with a girl who was as young as 13 at the time.

Just so we're clear, if you're a celebrity and you want to cut off the head of your wife and stab her friend to death, bang little boys at your amusement park themed house, or piss on a 13 year old girl and fuck her on videotape, go for it. Hey man, no worries. Live life to the fullest!

When you hear him being interviewed, without a prepared speech, it is surprising to hear the umms and ahhs in his response. Actually not so surprising, because many have trouble with public speaking, but for good or ill once the media and your followers think you flow like Shakespeare, the bar is raised. He better hope he can change the way he speaks without a speechwriter.

And now, without further adieu, the savior of the Democratic Party without a teleprompter. No wonder McCain wants to debate Owhinny in townhall fashion.

or is it hot in here?

Every second, the sun produces energy equivalent to 35,000,000 times the annual electricity consumption of North America.

Global warming indeed.

Two down, two to go. Here come the Celtics.

"He walks among us, yet he is not one of us."

-Anonymous

"Only a crazy person would put their child in an oven," says Tiffany Fraser, 26, of Airmont, New York, "I don't know why my son said that. I never put him in the oven."

Fraser is charged with assault and child endangerment for allegedly putting her 7 year old in her kitchen oven as punishment for losing his cell phone. Cell phones are expensive, I'd drop my kid in a volcano if they lost theirs. In related news, there is a study going on to find out why 7 year olds have some sort of need for their own cell phones.

Also, as food prices continue to go up, so does the sale of Spam. I've never eaten Spam. I'm not a big ham fan, so I can't imagine enjoying Spam. I do like bologna, however, so I WOULD try Spologna.