Meerkats make me laugh, but so does the red ass of the baboon.

Yoda can fight, WELL.

Sam and Frodo are NOT gay.

I am looking forward to so many movies this year, but as much money as the Matrix will make, I predict Return of the King makes more and wins best picture and director in the 2004 Oscars.

I am proud to say I never had a mullet.

Why do some people feel the need to talk back to the police? In the RARE instant you're right, you still can't win.

I hate it when people pay with a check at the store, especially when they start writing it after being rung up. Everything should be already writen except the amount, otherwise use your damn check card!

I don't think any deodorant with a strip works better than those without.

Whether you like their music or not, it is un-deniable that the Beatles are the greatest band ever.

Bottled water, what the fuck?

Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm are the funniest t.v. shows ever, and The Sopranos is probably the best t.v. show, period.

Why do women remember so many anniversaries? I mean the first date, kiss, fuck, year, and then if you get married...

Deny it if you like, but everyone has looked into the toilet before they flush it at least once.

Don't jump on the elderly too badly for their driving, because you're gonna be old one day too.

Miniature golf is kinda fun.

Bowling is not, has not, and NEVER will be a sport.

There is nothing "manly" about shooting an animal with a high powered rifle. You wanna be a man? Kill that bear, hell a DEER, with a hunting knife.

Sandman by Neil Gaiman is the best comic ever written.

I pray to God that before I start needing regular colon/prostate checks, that there is a pill for it.