There Goes The neighborhood!

Posted Oct 31 at 9:00 AM

Thursday night, I had a few friends over, we were just having some drink and a laugh, trying to decide what to do with our evening. I was surfing the blogs and reading out a few of the funny or retarded ones, when I came across a post the was both. A blogger had posted a cracker about blogging superhero's, asking people to sign up to be a part of the goof troop. (Think about it. Bloggers taking over the world, all wearing spandex and a towel for a cape). Anyway, I showed the girls and we decided that would be our theme for the evening. Yes we were very bored, and needed inspiration.
So about a bottle and a half of Vodka later, we were the Super Tards, or Tard Troop for short. Leaders of planet Tardis Moronicus. Our job, to save the world, or maybe just find the good shoe sales and do makeovers and shit. Either way.

Instead of a cape, we'd have awesome fucking shoes. Our theme song was Franz Ferdinands, "Do you wanna" and we cranked it to get in the mood. Seriously, If you ever want to try being a superhero, you HAVE to incorporate that song. Will get you in the mood guaranteed.



So we flew ( staggered) to our local and made it our mission to drop many hints to unsuspecting patrons, that they were in the midst of beings not from this world. That tonight, they were lucky enough to be sharing breathing space with superhero royalty.

We danced, we drank, we dropped crazy statements into boring conversations. One dude asked me what line of work I was in and I casually replied, " Oh you know, saving lives, busting crime rings, keeping the streets safe"
"Ah, you're a cop then" Said he.
" Pfft, No! I'm a super fucking hero"
He continued to buy me drinks. I think he was in awe.

Sonya was complimented on her fabulous shoes ( Prada slides for those playing at home) by some random chick, who wanted to know where she got them. Without missing a beat, Sonya replied that she flew home to Tardis in her invisible jet, and the shoes were made out of Kryptonite. The random chick then wanted to buy some drugs from her! Gawd! Like superhero's do drugs. We're freakin role models people!!

We had a couple of likely guys from LA, who practically came in their pants talking about their "million dollar deal" and other monetary blah-di-blahs. They soon shut up when we told them that Super Tards have no interest in such wankery. If they wanted to impress us they'd have to get into some spandex and wear their undies on the outside. They continued to buy us drinks too. People just love us Super Tards I tell ya. (Actually, we had to run away from those dudes, they were wanting to become Super Tards by association and had called "their driver" to take us to their " executive Suite") Eeek! We'd be tarnished, our powers would diminish, so we quickly flew back to the hideout- we snuck out of the club, crawled, staggered, walked sideways to the cab and headed back to my place, where we did what all good Super Tards do. Got into our lingerie and had a pillow fight! Baaahaha! No, we danced to our theme song till we could dance no more, and laughed our arses off at the blog inspired shenanigans.

So remember. Next time you're out partaying and you see some chicks with fabulous fucking shoes. You just might have had an encounter with the Super Tards.

Faster than a crack whore snorts a line of Coke
More powerful than the lure of a Jimmy Choo shoe sale
Able to leap long bar queues in a single bound.
Look to the dance floor
Is it a bird? ( No fool. What would a fecking bird be doing in the club?)
Is it a plane? ( If it is, I'm getting the hell outta there these pills are tripping me out)
It's THE SUPER TARDS!!
Strange visitors from planet Tardis who came to earth with powers and abilities
beyond those of mortal morons
SUPER TARDS, who can evade cover charges and queue jump
and snap door bitches with our bare hands
And who, disguised as your everyday boozehags or
Mild mannered beeotches
Fight a never ending battle for unlimited supplies of Vodka
Stiletto shoes for all
And the Tardis Moronicus way.