Midweek Whatevers #2501
Posted Nov 6 at 11:25 AM
* I have a hot tip for the ladies. Declare yourself a MFZ (man free zone, for those that don't know) and the fella's will be tripping over themselves to get to you. I'm projecting a "fuck off" aura, and they LOVE it. They must see it as a challenge, or maybe they're just masochists at heart. I'm telling you it works. Appear disinterested, and the dolts can't get enough. Stupid men!
* So my friend is still screwing her 17 year old boy toy. They don't go out much ( I think he has a curfew baaahhahaha) and they're not vertical very often, but damn she's having a great time. I saw her yesterday and she could hardly walk. Gotta love that.
* Question. Why is there still a chick "co-host" on Wheel of fortune? I was home early enough to watch this shit the other night and the letters on the board light up by themselves, it's electronic and shit, very digital age. So what is the point of the chick dressed in an evening gown, smiling like a loon on crack and clapping like a trained seal as she pretends to light up the letters??? Eye candy you say? Well I say, that the majority of the people watching at this time would be female ( ok I don't know the demographic, I'm guessing it's harassed moms cooking dinner and helping the kids with homework after their dose of Bold and the Beautiful), So what about something for the ladies? How about some buff half nekkid dude as the pretend letter turner?? And why oh why is the gay game show music still the same as it was back in 1982?? The prizes are worth the same as they were back then too. PLUS I think it's rigged. I think the wheel is computerized and they stop it where they want to. Bankrupting every poor bastard who looks like their getting close to winning something decent. Conspiracy theory!!! Look out, I may be on to something here.
Ok, enough of that. I'm talking shit again.
* Today I had a slight wardrobe malfunction with my bra. I have a favorite, the ladies know what I'm talking about, every chick has a favorite that they wear to death. It just has the perfect cut, feel, and makes the twins look ultra hot. It's not the most attractive bra I own but seeing as how I'm in a MFZ, I don't have to do the matching bra/undies thing. Anyway, tis my very favorite and today the underwire snapped under the left boobie. OUCH much! I had a ragged piece of metal stabbing me all morning. It was unbearable. I had no choice but to go to the restroom and remove the offending jubbly stabber. Only problem then was that it left me a little lopsided. I was off kilter, unbalanced, out of whack. One boobie was sitting a little higher in the saddle than the other. Gah! So I went and got my scissors, cut a hole in the other side and pulled that underwire out too. Much better. I was having a good feel to make sure they were even when one of my co-workers walked in. She didn't bat an eyelid. What do I have to do to shock people around here?? I think they're used to me now.
* Speaking of my inability to throw my fave bras out... I have something else I hoard, and I'm hoping by outing myself, I can clear up this filthy habit. I have a make-up drawer filled with remenants from when I was like 15! I can't throw that shit out. If a tube of concealer even has a tiny drop in the bottom, then it's relegated to the drawer. It can be as crusty as your nanna's knickers, but I just can't throw it out. This used to drive my ex boyfriend (friends with benefits now? I seriously do not know where we stand) insane. He called it a toxic waste dump and attempted to clean it out on many occasions. Never succeeded though. Muahahaha!
* I'm not a morning person. In fact. I could be a Vampire. Not because I have a penchant for drinking blood, but because I truly do not wake up till the evening. I work two jobs and a full-time student, as you know, and my day job passes in a blur of blogs, forums, surfing for free porn and trying desperately to stay awake.
By the time my second job starts I'm WIDE awake and can take on the world. All the caffeine I ingest all day finally kicks in and I'm bouncing off the walls. I'm just like an ADD crack whore after a fix. I heart you Coffee and caffeine loaded, sugary drinks. Mwah!
* Summer is over and the cooler months are coming. We all know what winter means. Right? No? Let me enlighten you. Winter means BOOOOOOTS! Frickin YAY! I currently only own 12 pairs but I shall endeavor to add to the collection this year.
Nothing says "Kick arse" like a killer pair of high heeled boots. I fucking STRUT in a pair of boots. I'm all " Get outta my way mofo or I'll crush you like a bug".......till I trip over and break an ankle. You know twisting an ankle in boots hurts waaaay more than in normal heels. But I digress. I'm loving the skinny jeans tucked into boots. It's very urban cowgirl. Yeeeeehawww!
Now don't get me wrong. Skinny jeans are still all WRONG. You have to be anorexic to look even half decent in them, BUT, if I have my boots on, I don't give a rats how I look. Try it. Boots are fucking wonderful.
*Don't you hate it when you've brushed your teeth, headed off to work and then about 11am, you notice a spot of toothpaste on your clothes? It tends to look like a glob of dried up....err... well, it's the Monica Lewinsky look really. But maybe that's just me. ;)
*I heart IKEA. I can spend hours and hours, nay, I can spend DAYS in this super store. Going through those miniature housey set ups is the shit. HOWEVER, as much as I love the store, I really detest finding a flat bed cart ( wrestling it off someone else), hauling down my desired item in the warehousey part, spending an eon in a queue to pay, lugging that crap out to my car, finding that no matter how I shove, squeeze or push, that the said item is not going to fit in my car, then having to take it back into the store to arrange a home delivery, paying through the nose for this service, waiting days for it to arrive, THEN the worst part. Trying to put that shit together. I lose a whole day pouring over the instructions, getting it wrong every time, shoving the whole lot back in the box (sorta, cuz you just know that bastard aint going in the way it came out), waiting for a handy type friend to come along and set it up, then deciding I don't like the look of it in my home. Fecking miniature housey set ups, give us all false hope. Gah! On second thoughts I take it back. IKEA you suck dogs balls!
* Two people I'm hating on at work this week; RAY- He calls everyone "champ". Be they male, female, the old and infirm (not that we have any old and infirm, just sayin) managers or plebs like me, everyone is fecking "champ". It shits me to tears. So I decided every time he called me champ, I'd say it right back to him and punch him in the arm to illustrate my "champness". The fucker is either gonna stop calling me that, or have me charged with assault. Either way.
Next is Trish- This knobgobbler has breath that smells like bin juice. Seriously, I'd sooner try to scoop my kidneys out with a blunt spoon than talk to her. I offer her Tic Tacs and chewing gum to no avail. She's thick as two short planks and can't take a fricken hint! I may have to don a gas mask to converse with her if she doesn't sort her death breath out soon!
*Finally, to all you foot fetish people that keep messaging me. I do not share your penchant for feet. I like SHOES ok. SHOES! As in the things that cover feet. I will not send you my shoes, hosiery or sweat from said feet ( yes you read it right. SWEAT. How would one go about collecting that anyway??) for any price. That is just nasty!
Next message/email I get like that, I'm going to post it right here, Reezle username included.
*that's all.
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Ali / Dave you guys always have something to say! Usually comments that gets me lmao or just totally makes my day! I'd happily chop off a foot for you guys. Lol.
Rebekah - Hi! First time I've seen you here =) Thanks for reading ^_^
Tabi - I believe you. I mean every girl has one. What I hate most is when they discontinue your fave bra! Ugh! This is why we need to stock up. Lol
Mystro - I WAS... until you ruined it, mister.