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Posted
Tired, stressed, feeling BLAHHH.... been wanting to go home for 2 days... my brother was supposed to come and get me but he was a no show... getting tired of being in the city... I WANT TO GO HOME.... NOW.... playing the waiting game... who knows i might just get sick of waiting and hit the highway the good ol' fashioned way... Thumb and smile lol..... it wouldn't be that bad, i've had to hitchhike home b4... usually ends up being soemone you know on that highway...which is good.... either way... i need to get home....this place is making me broke....i'm running out of clothes.....and i miss the bush... i miss the lake... i miss everything... aaaahhhh fogetaboutit...i'm starting to babble.... things haven't been looking up too well.... stress after stress, just when u think everything is going awesome....something happens...the one thing that changes everything.... then your back in the rut.... the rut where u once layed in before.... sure it looks familiar.... but the familularity isn't how you got there..... its how you got out.... even though it may seem hard to pull urself out.... it just gets easier everytime..... atleast thats what i keep telling myself lol....well i think thats a good enough blog entry for now.... dont want to get tooo carried away ....peace and love ; P Missy A.K.A MelPosted
UNTITLED
There are Days I dont even feel alive
I sit here with my head down and cry
In this life all I seem to do is thrive
Nothing ever goes right and I don't know why
They say that life has lessons to be learned
I've learnt nothing.... nothing at all
Accept the fuel to the fire being burned
I need help... advice...before I fall
Anyone here to catch me, to save me
As I plundge into the bottomless pit
All I want is to be free from agony
I need help now, theres no way out of it
Can anyone hear me cry ? The Weeping?
No one acknowledges I'm in distress
I'm hanging on, I'm getting weak, still screaming
I feel like There is a knife in my chest
I'm caving..... I'm slowly fadeing away
I hear steps walking slow and near
"Someone heard my cries" I think and pray
Soon my anger and agony turn to fear
I see a figure, something dark and shadowy
Standing,watching me as I hang from the edge of the pit
It see's my desperation, me stuggling, me crying
It just stands there, won't help me out of it
Is it going to help me or leave me dying
The air gets colder, I'm losing my grip
I try to pull myself up and out
I hear nothing only it's breath and moisture drip
I whisper "help me" there's no energy for me to shout
By now, I want to live, I want to be
I regret these thoughts and feelings
To end my own life is very stupid of me
As I hang here I realize some things
This figure wants my soul, It wants me to fall
It's waiting to feed off my agony, my sickness
Nooo... I won't... It's my decision...my call
It will not be giving the satisfaction to thee
I'm taking back my life, I'm getting stronger
I pull my self up.. and take a breath so deep
Yelling "I'm not living like this any longer"
I swung at the figure, it feels anger behind my fist
I scare it off and it runs away
I'm screaming " I'm not going out like this"
It took all this for me to stay
I sit here, drawing near I see my light
I'm not going to do it..
Nooo..... I'm Not leaving without a fight !!
Good to be single again....whoohooo
Posted
For a short time when you think everthing is just effin great..... when u start feeling close to someone ....their true colours come out... was enjoying building a relationship with this guy, but as i spent more time with him i came to realize that he's not the one for me, he was full of insecurities, accusations, had no job, and lived at home with mommy....... definitly not for me.... so i'm back on the market... and happy about it too...lol... i figured it wasn't going to last so i should end it while its still easy....while there's not too many feelings involved, he took it a lot lighter then i expected.... untill he called me that night, then his feelings came out, felt a lil bad about the whole thing, cause he got hurt, but if im not happy i'm not staying....anyhoo thats about all there is for an update.... peace and love missy ;)So much for being single..lol
Posted
Mood: great moodwell... just not long ago i was claiming to be single.... it was great... while it lasted.... but now i have to say it's even better not being single...sometimes lol... yeah i hooked up with a friends, friend... and well we definitly hit it off. he's a bit younger then what i'm used to, he's not a biker, so this is completely new to me haha, i keep asking him if he's sure he can handle me...hehehe claims he could, but the question is for how long lol.... went out lastnight, it was sweet, played some poker wit some friends, didn't win this time, i won last weekend, not this time tho.... but thats all good.dont really have much to update....bye for now missy
WOOW its been a while!!
Posted
Mood: good i guess, Music: umm...none on right nowwell it sure has been a long time since i last put in an entry, a lot to catch up on but not enough time so i'll make it short and sweet.... been pretty busy.... i'm living out on my reservation in ontario.... been here since december.... just completed my SP-100 forest fire fighting training, was called out but didn't go because while i was waiting i landed my self a job that pays about the same but doesn't require me to be gone for up to 20 days...know what i mean....still single...havent had any luck yet anyway....things keep backfiring.... i was seeing this one guy.... but when i was away for my training he shacked up....omg what are the odds.... so yeah some things are going great...others no so great.... so yeah thats pretty much all i have time for..... peace and love..... mel
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