Life just fucking sucks sometimes..


Now is one of those times.

The internet holds so many different things. It's like a gigantic box that holds people's thoughts, secrets, words, emotions and, basically, their lives. It doesn't have a lock on it, however, so most of these delicious little tidbits can/do become common knowledge to the casual user.

It doesn't matter where you go. It doesn't matter which websites you visit on a regular, and non-regular, basis. Those things don't matter, because if you visit a site that has members, chances are you are going to become privy to the things happening in their lives. You become a "viewer".

It's like watching a soap opera. You flick channels (website hop). You stop for a moment to view (read statements/blogs/comments). You become sucked in and soon enough, you know people's personal business. More times than not, you wish that you didn't know such deep secrets. It can make a person feel like a peeping tom.

It's bothersome to me to see so many people online writing about the drama in their lives. "Mary" writes about her son pulling a gun on someone. "John" writes about people accusing him of being a pedophile. These are things that are probably better off not being made public. There are certain things, I believe, that should be kept to oneself.

As I've said before in here once .. what you write online stays online forever. There is no gigantic delete button that will take everything you've said or written and wipe it off the internet completely. Everything you do leaves a trail. Everything you say leaves behind evidence of its existence. It's something to think about.

The consequences of divulging all can affect a person's entire life. A person reading "John's" blog about his rumored pedophile tendencies can be taken entirely out of context and it can snowball into something he does not wish. It could, theoretically, ruin his entire life. It could force him to lose his job, his family and his friends. A person reading "Mary's" blog could, quite possibly, know her, and consequently, know her son. If this was not public knowledge before Mary blogged it, it would be after. It could forever change her life and that of her son's. Everything has consequences.

So before you write something highly personal, stop and think about it. Remember that hundreds of people will be reading it. Remember that it could come back and bite you in the ass -- maybe tomorrow, next year or ten years from now.

Hey, it's possible.

Stay tuned tomorrow for another episode of As the 'Net Turns...

This is slurpie.. signing off...

This is how I feel...






So who wants to dance with me???

Almost is a word that I hate. The hatred that I feel for this single, solitary word is immense. It's a word that does not show progress nor does it announce finality. Almost -- just about there, but far from completion. It's a word that means nothing. I don't want to be "almost" there. I want to be there, dammit!

Patience is not one of my better traits. Patience is something that I do not possess anymore. It merely comes to visit me from time to time. The only time it does visit me is during children moments. It does not come to me when I need it at other times. It escapes me. It rushes away from my grasp, and becomes non-existent.

Patience and the word "almost" go hand-in-hand. You have to be patient to make it past that "almost" part. You have to hold on and fight tooth and nail to climb that stupid "almost" hill to reach the word "final".

I'd rather have the "final". I would rather be crossing the line of completion and finishing up. The journey there should be sweet and lesson-learning, but as far as a particular instance is concerned, there is no such thing as sweet and lesson learning. It has been a pain in my ass from start to "almost" there.

Fuck "almost".

Give me ... "you're done.. finished.. completed.. finito".

I was intending on writing about my glorious vacation. I was going to freely admit that I should've bought a higher SPF sunscreen. Damn sunburn. I was going to brag about wading in the ocean among the jellyfish with a feeling of contentment and bliss. I was even going to express my disappointment over not seeing any sharks. I looked like hell, but failed to see a fin breaking the surface of the water. But alas, I have something else on my mind.

Ignorance is on my mind. Total, unblissful ignorance -- which, by the way, could be called stupidity.

It never ceases to amaze me the ignorance that some people carry around with them. It must be tiring to be shouldering that load and trying to keep that empty, uninformed head afloat. I would imagine that it is downright exhausting.

It is perfectly acceptable to have an opinion about something. I would hope that we've all managed to acquire enough learning through our lives to be able to form an opinion on a certain topic. Let's face it. We are ALL judgmental on some level or another. There is not one single person in this universe who does not form an opinion on any given individual. We would have to do that in order to determine whether we like someone or not.

However, it is ignorant to form an opinion on a particular grouping of people when you, yourself, are one of those people. Being ignorant to one's own appearance askews people's opinion of them. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about...

Mary bashes women who are heavy and ugly. She, in so many words, states that fat, ugly people aren't worth a damn. As she makes this bold and unintelligent statement, people look at her in confusion, because Mary happens to be fat and ugly as sin. People look down upon her. They question her sanity and everything she says from that point on.

Mary has managed to discredit herself by living in her little ignorant world.

Some people are just so damn stupid and have no qualms about showing their stupidity off. It never ceases to amaze me.

There is a ton of things that I could/can say tonight, but I am choosing not to.  All I am going to do is show you this...

I sit back and close my eyes from time to time as I write this. Exhaustion forces my eyes to close, and when they do, peaceful nothingness washes over me. I cannot fully express how wonderful it feels to feel nothing and to blank out the noises that surround me. I need a vacation.

I've packed my bag and am almost ready to leave tomorrow on a mini-vacation. My cowboy hat is packed, bathing suit is packed, beach towl is packed and so is my SPF 6 suntan lotion. I know! I know! The higher the SPF the better. Eh, I want some color, so I'm making a foolish decision. Sue me!

Three days of lounging on the beach. Three days of feeling the cool water of the ocean lapping over my toes. Three days of doing absolutely nothing. Three days of not having to listen to the children fighting. Three days of reconnecting with my husband. Three days of hand holding and remembering why we fell in love with each other in the first place -- not that we really need the reminder, but with every remembrance comes a feeling of closeness.

If I weren't so tired, I would probably be bouncing off the walls with excitement. I was over the top excited this afternoon while we shopped for new beach towels. I couldn't help myself. I cannot wait for this.

The beach is my most favorite place in the world to be. I lose myself in the ocean. I could sit and watch the waves crash against the shore for hours and never grow tired of the sight. I made sure that our hotel was located on the beach, and I made sure that we had a room with an oceanview. Our balcony is in front of the ocean.

I seem to find a bit of myself every time I get to go. The sound of the waves crashing seem to cleanse my mind and my spirit. I need that now.

I hope you all have a wonderful beginning of your week. I will not be thinking about you while I am gone... heh

Cheers!

It's been in the news for just a mere week -- at least that is how long I've realized or noticed it was there. After a day of reading articles pertaining to this, I grew tired of it. After three days of simply reading the headlines, it has reached saturation levels in my system. After a week, it stirs up my insides and makes me want to vomit. It's time for it to go.

I've grown tired of reading and hearing about Christie Brinkley's divorce hearing. No one needs to know the things that are coming out in court. No one really wants or needs to know that her soon-to-be husband is a pig. Let's face it, most people are pigs. Some of us keep it well hidden and some do not. I don't give a flying fart how many thousands of dollars he spent on internet porn. Who cares?!

Divorce hearings should be private. They should not become a circus and the divorcing parties should not turn into performing clowns. I don't care if John cheated on his wife with a 19 year old girl. I don't care if Mary had a fixation with taking off her clothes and rubbing against fire hydrants. I don't give a crap if Matt has an addiction to 80 year old nude male dancers, and I sure as hell don't care if Sue is the neighborhood gang bang girl. These things should remain just a part of their own little world when it comes to going through a divorce.

It seems that Ms. Brinkley is rather enjoying the extra attention she is getting right now. Does anyone even give a crap about her anymore? She belongs back in the 80s, quite frankly. But that is neither here nor there. It is not my main gripe about the divorce coverage.

Both parties (Ms. Brinkley and Mr. Brinkley) should have fought tooth and nail to have their divorce proceedings made private. They should have tried to avoid having all of this information leaked to the press. It's sickening how much of their dirty laundry is being aired. What is even more sickening is that Ms. Brinkley is being made out to be innocent in everything. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break one. It's a shame that she cannot seem to accept any responsibility for what is/has happened.

What is an even bigger shame is that all of these details will be forever documented, and I feel for her children. They will be swimming in all of these dirty details. There was no need for all of this to be made available to my eye, yours or theirs, especially theirs. If it was something Ms. Brinkley and her spouse wanted to tell their children later on, it would've been a much better course of action.

I used to admire Ms. Brinkley on a small level. She climbed the ladder and made something of herself. It's a shame that what she's made of herself now is a far cry from what she used to be.

But hey, at least she is getting press coverage, right? That is what it is all about, isn't it ?

He's a nipple addict. He's a hooter addict. He loves big nipples, little nipples, puffy nipples and pencil eraser nipples. He loves massive hooters, big hooters, medium sized hooters, but he's not a fan of small hooters, though. I'm not joking about those things. He loves breasts, and he once crowned himself to be the King of Nipples. He is so addicted to nipples that he plays with his own!

Who am I talking about? Well, I'm going to tell you -- just hold your horses!

I'm talking about my husband, Kingpin2006, of course.

I wanted to use this blank space to wish him a very happy birthday today. Today he turns a very young 53 years old. He'll be surrounded by our large brood of children who will all, undoubtedly, shower him with love, gifts and affection. He will be picked on, tortured and made fun of. He will be hugged, smooched and spanked. Hey, it is his birthday, you know.

I hope we will be able to show him just how much we appreciate him and love him. He's a very important and vital part of this family. He's not just the children's father. He isn't just my husband. He isn't just the 'man of the house'. He's also my best friend. He will always be my best friend.

We started off as best friends before we became lovers. It was that friendship that helped guide me, comfort me and complete me. It is the friendship that holds our relationship together and makes it as solid as it is today. It is also the friendship that makes me laugh, pulls out my weird sense of humor and it teaches me how to care for another human being. I would, most definitely, be lost without him by my side.

I'm thankful and grateful that he is a part of my life. I'm thankful to both God and to his parents for bringing him to life, for he was the missing puzzle piece in my own life. He completed the puzzle, and completed me.

Ed, I love you. I love your whacked out sense of humor, your tenderness, your kindness, your graciousness, your giving nature and your love. Happy Birthday, Cuppiecake. You're the best of all worlds!!!

Life moves in a strange, unscripted way. It travels down a path and veers unexpectedly to the left, veers off to the right and, just when you least expect it, the road disinegrates and is completely lost. When the pathway dissolves, so do hopes, dreams and thoughts of better things.

When the lowest point is felt deep down in your toes, something unexpected happens. Something wonderful happens, and it changes the way you feel and the way you see things. Your toes start to tingle. Your heart skips a beat. You realize that things aren't so bad after all. The sun doesn't feel like its heat is weighing you down. The clouds look as though they will tumble from the skies and crush you very being. You realize that you actually feel good inside for a change.

Every thing changes.

Things look different.

Emotions are different.

You feel lighter.

Stronger.

Better.

All it takes is scraping the bottom. All it takes is feeling your knees scrape against the pavement as the weight of the world forces you to crash down upon your knees. All it takes is reaching into the depths of your soul, cleansing it free of all of the bullshit of the world that dirties it up. All it takes is letting the tears of despair cleanse your soul and let the tears wash away the layers of guilt, sadness and helplessness.

What you need usually always happens after a cleansing. What you need is there. It shows up when you least expect it to. When you allow yourself to shed the weight, grime and negative feelings, you will be gifted with what you need and what you want.

Try it.