Oh man am I tired!

Posted

Well I havent been here in quite a while. School has gotten freaking crazy here these last two weeks. I have 2 midterms to go and I have taken 5 so far and a pretty tough quiz in one of my classes... What a crappy week it has been. I think I have actually had 8 hours of sleep since I got out of bed saturday morning to start studying!!! Ta hell with it though this week is almost over then next week is spring break for me. See yall then...

Preston

A nice pat on the back...

Posted

So as it turns out I recieved the statistics from the classes first test that I tutor for, its called SI at my school. Now at first this didnt seem as cool as it does now because I was having a rather crapy day when I read them, I thought I would share this info with my friends just as a Woo Hoo look what I can do kind of thing! LOL 

Participation in SI for the first exam was 48%. Students attending 1-3 sessions achieved an average of 19 percentage points higher than the class average. Students attending more than 3 sessions achieved an average of 26 percentage points higher than the class average. 

Not bad in my opinion... atleast it looks like I am doing my job! LMAO

Where does the time go???

Posted

Well I am glad to say 4 weeks down and starting on 5. The semester is flying by but I am guessing thats because 99% of my time is being spent on my commitments to college at the moment... Well I am doing pretty good in my classes but I am thinking that I have really bitten off a bit more than I can chew and maintain a 4.0 without trying anymore LOL well having 39 hours worth of crap in one semester is maybe a bit too much... But the research project is alright, aside from the little korean that is supervising us because she is just a little um absentminded =) I am sure you can imagine where that would cause troubles!!! However I still think I will be right on for all A's at midterm so thats good news from me. Just wanted to leave a quick update for everyone and wish you all well..... Have a great night!!!

Well its back to the grind stone...

Posted

Tomorrow morning I start back to school and I must say I am ready, almost elated to be returning to the chaos that I have selected for myself. I have too many things on or in my mind right now and I just want to get back to something else... I am starting to think I wont take another break between semesters ever LOL =) 

Well I would say wish me luck but I don't really need that. Wish instead for me to find more patience and perservence than I already have. Wish for me to find some sort of happiness as I learn to become content with life regardless of where I am or how fast it seems that life is passing me by....

Too many questions....

Posted

I have heard many people talking about all the things they hope to change in 08, the good they see coming from the year that has yet to unfold in front of us... I am not sure that I share in their optimism as I have too many personal questions spinning through my head... That is the reason I keep myself so busy, the reality of life can only catch me when I slow down... My mind wanders alot, questions my past, my future... I wonder why I am so unhappy with my life when I have spare time on my hands, and so positive when I am overwhelmed with the ammount of responsibilities I tack onto my normal life. I preform so well under pressure that I am starting to ensure thats how packed my life is, to the point that I can barely manage. Do I do this because I dont want to think about where my life is now, or what got me here. Or maybe I do it because I enjoy knowing that I can get through it no matter how hard it is... 

I wondered the other day if I am pushing through school just to prove that I am capable of doing it, or am I really going somewhere with it. Do I really need to take the MCAT or the GRE and go on to a PHD or Masters or become an MD. Would the title prove to people that I am worth more than they may have thought in the past... or am I just trying to say to myself that regardless of my successes or achievements in life I will not be happy with myself, where I am, what I have become... 

I dont know for sure where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be... I have spent so many years unhappy with myself bouncing here and there, knee surgery to knee surgery... I just feel so behind that I cant be happy, I cant find peace in my life... Everyone in my life is married, having kids, working good jobs, living life... 

and I am just going through the motions waiting for my future to just show up and be great because I try so hard.... and I have no clue what I am really trying for...

Happy New Year Reezlites, Reezlians or whatever the heck we are

Posted

Well I just wanted to wish everyone on the site a happy new year and I hope that it brings enough for all of us to truely be happy! Enjoy your evening and by the time you get out of bed again the new year will already be here, exciting huh? Yeah I thought so... regardless I hope that all of you managed to find something exciting to do for the evening and spent your last minutes in 07 with someone that you care about. Laters...

Preston

This Global Warming is going to freeze me to death... =)

Posted

Well the weekend is gone and I am about to jump back in my truck and head home. I spent the weekend in Nebraska, hanging out with my best friend, just bummin around a bit. Its cold s could be out here right now but I guess there could always be more snow on the ground,.. Not alot to saytoday really just glad as I can be that all this stress frm school and other responsibilities were off of my back for the weekend. 

Hopefull all of you had a great weekend as well and I encourage everyone to just get away from things sometimes when they seem like they are overwhelming. Stepping back, not running away, from situations can usually help you gain a beter prospective on situations. Just a little reminder that things arent as bad as they may seem. 

The last of the nice guys...

Posted

I have to admit... I just dont get it, whatever it is. The thing that I need to make myself desireable for more than just a friend. It's easy to point to mistakes, hindsight is always 20/20, but I cant get around the fact that nice guys no longer have a place in the dating game. Its unfortunate that the situation is now nothing more than that. I cant play in this game because for me the benefit must far outweight the risk, I can not justify having a "one night stand" as being acceptable. As stupid as that sounds I just can not make it work.

You would think that at 27 years old I would have, by now, found a way to fit in. I guess reality is hard to accept. Five years without a date... I let my friends talk me into it, into taking a chance, and I do not see now why I even bothered. I feel almost as though it only served to prove me right in the end. Not that its her fault, believe me I do not have any ill will twords her and I give her props for sticking to what she said, "we should just be friends, and if something comes from that then thats fine."

I viewed the words with such optimisim, like I still had a chance... =(      whew... what a deal, I feel foolish and out of place and yet I am way too stuborn to believe that I can not win in the end... (I mean in general, dont think I am going to stalk her) LOL I think that bridge is burned into non existance after tonight...

I almost feel like I belong in a museum, someplace where people come to gawk at others who actually have morals, character and principles... a glass box and a brass name plate that reads "The last of the nice guys"...

Nice Guys Finish Last

Posted

.          Yes it’s true, I have lived an odd life, but then haven’t we all?  We all have our strengths, we have our flaws, and worst of all we have our weaknesses.  The one thing that despite our better judgments we feel we must try. It’s expected for us to learn from mistakes, adapt to the changes they generate, and pursue better avenues in the future; yet the emotional detachment one must acquire to willingly bounce from one mistake to the next and continue to adapt to and learn from is something, I feel, I will never have.  

 

            The nice guys in our society are the ones who, despite all their strengths or attributes, will never be selected as a competitor in the race.  They are the ones who line the sidelines silently, wearing the best shoes and clothing, having all the training and tools it would seem are required, and despite all of their efforts, and the efforts of encouragement from those around them, they can not win a race they were never chosen to enter.  Sure from time to time we get bumped out there onto the track and for a time we forget our place, we try to step it out and blend in with the runners, but the goal, the finish line for us, is not there.

 

            Your obviously correct in your presumptions, it is me in the story, the nice guy that’s so nice it is literally a flaw.  Like most flaws, this one is uncorrectable.  It’s a persistent trait that’s always been there.  The trait often puts me in a position we have all faced. That little cookie jar on the counter that someone left just within your reach, the one that’s too tempting to pass up, and even though we know mom is coming we try to sneak that one cookie anyway.  That tempting cookie in the jar, the thing that despite all my strengths I knew I couldn’t afford to pursue, will always be my kryptonite.  But there is something about her though, maybe her smile or her eyes; maybe it’s her uniquely intrinsic mannerisms that are just too attractive to pass up.  Yet the prize it seems is not worth the price, the risk outweighs the benefit, and the nice guy must in proper fashion withdraw from the loosing situation with the memory of the sting on his hand and the growl of an empty stomach as a reminder of it all.

 

            I would like to think that many of the lessons I have learned in life are the same as this one, yet this is not something I can persist at.  With all my patience I have found that you can never tell someone what is best for them, where they should go, or what they should do.  The best lessons in life are often the ones learned once it’s too late.  

 

            There is no need to fret though, as I said before, the way I am is the way I will always be.  Nice guys do in fact exist.  We do not only exist as the male counterpart from the fable that your mothers told you, nor are we the perfect date.  From the lessons of our past we have been callused, at least in our own minds, in our own best interests.  As a constant reminder from the past, and dread of the events that are yet to come, there is no comfort in knowing that nice guys do not finish last, rather they do not finish at all…

Damn what a semester...

Posted

Well here it is thanksgiving and I havent barely been able to catch my breath this semester. I dont know if its the 20 hours I have worth of classes this semester or if its teaching sophmore level history at college thats been so hard but I am damn busy this semester... I am looking at my class schedule for next semester and I am probably ging to be a little less busy but 22 credit hours should be able to keep me out of trouble right? Atleast I hope so. I am just glad that I am still maintaining my 4.0 this far. 

Anyways I just thought I would stop by and update this pathetic excuse for a journal! I hope that all is well in all of your worlds and have a great Thanksgiving break....