Status WOAH!

Posted Aug 14 at 9:37 PM

I'm having another one of those "what am I doing with my life?" moments. It's funny the way my thoughts fluctuate so drastically around this subject. I mean one day I'll be completely content with everything and then the next I feel completely useless.

I look at it from one angle and think to myself that I've done quite a lot in my 18 years of living. I've been fortunate enough to travel quite extensively throughout North America as well as accross seas. From the far east to the far west. Completed high school, done some university courses, worked at the same place for 3 years, furthered myself etc. Don't get me wrong I appreciate everything I've been able to do but I just don't feel like I've done enough? Or maybe that's not even it. I think it's because I don't know what I want to do. I keep switching my major in school and wasting all this time doing courses that didn't even matter. I think that's what's really bugging me. Especially since I have no motivation to even go this year.

Maybe I'm just too self-assured? Who knows. I'm probably over-analyzing this to the point of where it barely exists. If that makes any sense... But in any case, maybe I just need to be completely selfless and stop looking at things from such a superficial point of view. The fact that I can't even walk out of the house without make up on is just so pretentious. It's not even to say that I look bad without it, but it's like everyone's eyes are movie camera's - capturing every fault and flaw you have. Their opinion is probably worthless but we care enough to avoid it. I do, anyway. It's quite unfortunate how the negative comments seem to stick in the back of our heads while the positive ones seem to not matter. It's almost like we believe the negative more than the positive. Why? I'm going to go out on a lim here and say it's directly related to how secure we are with ourselves. I used to think I was pretty content with myself until I started to really think and realize all the things I do just to avoid any bad interpretation. Stupid, but true.

It's not just about the way you look, but the way you speak. I'm constantly juggling words in my head deciding what's more appropriate to say and how should I say it. Even though there's an easier alternative that is short and to the point. I feel like I'm obligated to elaborate and use 'big' words just to sound more intelligent. And the dreaded "how are you?" question... For everyone there's at least a novel's worth of words that can come out to answer that but we usually reply with the usual "Fine, thanks". Such a personal question usually follwed with an intangible answer. We all do it for the purpose of being polite. Society to seems to have a lot of these acceptance falsehoods that we naively fall under. We're all aware yet we continue to pursue our everyday lives just as if it was written down.

I'm not really sure what the point of this blurb was. I just thought I'd let it out there. Reply and share you thoughts. I'll read them.